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Half a loaf is better than half a card:

“With the card-based games — video poker at Oaklawn, the digital Texas Hold ‘em tables and electronic blackjack at Southland — the prerequisites are fairly clear. Know when to hold ’em. Know when to fold ’em. Know a flush from a straight. Know your face cards and whole cards and how luck can stick them together. Repeat.”

“The party of Lincoln and Liberty was transmogrified into the party of hairy-backed swamp developers and corporate shills, faith-based economists, fundamentalist bullies with Bibles, Christians of convenience, freelance racists, misanthropic frat boys, shrieking midgets of AM radio, tax cheats, nihilists in golf pants, brownshirts in pinstripes, sweatshop tycoons, hacks, fakirs, aggressive dorks, Lamborghini libertarians, people who believe Neil Armstrong’s moonwalk was filmed in Roswell, New Mexico, little honkers out to diminish the rest of us … ”

I know honkers as a vulgar word for female breasts, but that’s clearly not what’s intended here. Who are, what are, these little honkers out to diminish us?

Nobody in the office knew, until I got to Max Brantley. Honker is a variation of goose, he says, and when he was in college, goose meant “nerd.” In fact, he says, there was a fellow in his fraternity who was referred to as a honker. People who’ve gotten to this point may be running out of patience, asking “If goose means nerd, what does nerd mean?” Here, at last, we can find an answer in the dictionary. A nerd is “a stupid, irritating, ineffectual, or unattractive person.” Honker sounds like somebody who’d fit that description.

Another nerd is “an intelligent but single-minded person obsessed with a nonsocial hobby or pursuit: a computer nerd,” but I don’t think that would fit in this case.

Dork is in the dictionary too — “a stupid or ridiculous person; jerk; nerd.”

“This Easter, PHILLY makes a better cheesecake. Share it with your peeps.” I believe I’ve got this one figured. Short for “people,” right?


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