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Words, Feb. 28

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Andy Borowitz writes in Funny Times:

“Gay tiger attacks Huckabee”

“Animal ‘taunted' by bestiality remarks”

“After making remarks in which he directly equated homosexuality with bestiality, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee was attacked at the San Francisco Zoo by a gay tiger. Mr. Huckabee had scheduled a campaign stop at the zoo where he made his controversial remarks about homosexuality and bestiality, not realizing that he was standing within earshot of a Bengal tiger with a homosexual lifestyle … ”

Coincidentally, a reader of this column objected to lifestyle in a recent e-mail: “It's used only by Religionists and usually to refer to gays. As in, ‘The gay lifestyle.' Now, call me crazy, but substituting ‘heterosexual' for ‘gay' yields, ‘The heterosexual lifestyle.' As in, uh, Mother Teresa? Ted Bundy? Bill Clinton? Charles Manson? St. Joan? There IS no heterosexual ‘lifestyle' any more than there's a homosexual one.”

He'll have to take it up with that San Francisco tiger, and he'd better be careful. Remember the author who got crossways with a tiger? What was his name?

From a newspaper article about a conference on improving higher education in Arkansas:

“Bob Brown, president of Arkansas Tech University in Russellville, said he's long advocated such a system. ‘We're very pleased,' Brown said. ‘It'll help Arkansas Tech. We think it's a proper thing to incentivise that kind of behavior.' ”

It would be a proper thing to disincentivise the use of “incentivise.” Especially by college presidents.

Gov. Mike Beebe spoke forcefully to educators at the same meeting:

“If I think you're just BSing me, I'll tell you that, and I'll ignore you.” But what if they're just BAing him? This too seems strange language for a conference on higher education. But not as bad as incentivise.

Lebensraum:

In the Feb. 14 column, I said that the Club for Greed had interviewed several Republican presidential candidates. A fascist reader has advised me that the correct name of the organization is “Club for Growth.”

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