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Words, April 16

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But permissible only if he's a good provider:

From the Progress Report — “The act of bestiality is a step closer to becoming illegal in Florida. A state Senate committee voted to slap a third-degree felony charge on anyone who has sex with animals. But ‘animal-husbandry practices are permissible,' according to the bill. ‘People are taking these animals as their husbands? What's husbandry?' asked a confused Sen. Larcenia Bullard. Some senators stifled their laughter as Chairman Charlie Dean explained that husbandry was the rearing and caring of animals.”

 

Regrets, he has a few:

“Gillispie: Record at UK regretful.” The team's won-lost record is regrettable. It's the coach who is regretful.

Give it to 'em straight, nurse:

Douglas McDowall saw this sign outside a Levy liquor store — “WARM BEER HIGH PRICES SURLY CLERKS LOUSY SELECTION.”

 

When not to say when:

“The gunman's estranged wife works at Pinelake Health and Rehab and was there Sunday morning when authorities said Robert Stewart stormed in and killed seven residents and a nurse.” It's a good thing she wasn't there while the shooting was going on.

To clarify, put the “authorities said” at the end of the sentence, with a comma in front of it, or keep the sentence structure as is but put commas around “authorities said.”

“Williams was hauling chicken parts for Tyson Foods and was trying to turn west towards Siloam Springs when he said his brakes failed.” Who did he say it to? And what did his statement have to do with the accident? Again, the “he said” should be moved to the end of the sentence, with a comma in front, or the “he said” left where it is but with commas around it.

 

A bit more forceful than “Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow”:

“Hundreds of Zuma supporters waved ANC flags in a downtown Johannesburg square, dancing and singing to [presidential candidate] Zuma's theme song, ‘Bring Me My Machine Gun.' ”

 

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