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Woo Pig Phooey



A score of 44-8 may seem like a pretty convincing argument for this pull-together New Age hocus-pocus coaching crap. We really “came together” and started the “new season,” huh? Hit refresh. Cleaned the slate. Etc., etc. I guess if you're the kind of person who would rather have a youth minister than a football coach, then yeah.

Yeah, Casey Dick's passing percentage looks good. Yeah, DMac had his first good day in two weeks and seems to be healthy again. Yeah, Peyton Hillis is still capable of just about anything. Yeah, Nutt did the honorable thing and kept Monk off the field. Yeah, our defense looked outstanding, especially in the secondary.

But the score's the only thing that looks remarkably different from weeks past. Every once in a while a square peg finds that elusive square hole. We've got hella circles and triangles and trapezoids in our future.

Somehow, our tired formula worked on the Rebels. Our very first third down conversion was on a draw. That's failed on the last eleventy kabillion tries. (Look it up. Those numbers are real.) We even seem to have figgered out that the Wildcat only works when we use DMac as a diversion.

And we had lots of help on defense from some remarkably sloppy play by the Rebels. Seth Adams is probably still hearing oskies in his sleep. He threw four interceptions and completed less than half of his 21 passes. Our D-line made their presence felt with four sacks. And Ole Miss put the ball on the ground four times.

I still respect the win, and I still think Ole Miss was a tough team to beat. But we're talking about victory over an 0-4 squad.

Now, here we are coming off a semi-huge, semi-redemptive win on the road, and we're set up to play yet another toothless non-con. Ideally, we could take the exhilaration and confidence built up last week into a game of some substance, but we'd much rather take out a policy on our homecoming game. Can't disappoint the donors.

Florida International is neither a running team nor a passing team. They do what they can. Given the chance, they're more likely to just roll over and expose their bellies than anything else. But coming off a bye-week, they'll be rested and ready to lose by a ridiculously large margin the old-fashioned way before a sold out crowd of wistful alumni. Woo. Pig. Phooey.

The only thing I knew about FIU before this week was that Stanley Fish, the notorious relativist philosopher, is on the faculty there. That's not surprising in the least, since the Panthers have lost their last 18 games. The Hogs are extremely unlikely to be their 1 in 19. You know the school would rather shell out for a famous blowhard than a decent head coach. (We, on the other hand, like to combine the two positions into one playcalling, platitude-spouting flim-flam man.) If that doesn't make your lids heavy, you're on something stronger than coffee.

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