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The inconsequential news quiz: the politics is local edition


1. In late February, after signing a bill into law that exempts the list of concealed weapon permit holders from the state's Freedom of Information Act, Lt. Gov. Mark Darr shot himself in the foot, metaphorically speaking. What was his blunder?

A) Literally shot himself in the foot.

B) Failed to return the one bullet that Gov. Mike Beebe entrusts him with whenever he goes out of state.

C) Issued a statement that included the full name of a permit holder from Carlisle who'd visited his office to thank him for keeping her information private, with Darr writing: "Her story is an example of why I felt the urgent need to sign this bill into law."

D) Showed off his own handgun at a press conference and then began absentmindedly scratching his ear with it as he spoke until a State Trooper gently removed it from his hand.

2. Democratic gubernatorial candidate Bill Halter had an interesting idea for Arkansas students this week. What was it?

A) During the last five minutes of every high school basketball game, hose down the court with Wesson oil.

B) Teachers legally required to retire once their Kardashian Hotness Quotient falls below "Kourtney."

C) A free college education for all Arkansas high school students who graduate with a G.P.A. over 2.5, mostly paid for by the Arkansas Scholarship Lottery.

D) All physics courses will henceforth be taught in a drained swimming pool by professional skateboarder Tony Hawk.

3. Last week, Arkansas Republicans in the General Assembly voted for a small tax increase after getting the approval from someone who has described the public's reactions to tax hikes like finding a severed rat head in a Coke bottle. "We branded the Republican Party as the party of not raising taxes — branding is important," this person said. "Republican elected officials who vote for tax increases are rat heads in a Coke bottle. They damage the Republican brand."

A) Rep. Nate Bell

B) Sen. Jason Rapert

C) Grover Norquist

D) Asa! Hutchinson

4. Someone placed a physical metaphor for the 89th General Assembly outside the State Capitol building last week. What was it?

A) Large oil painting featuring Sen. Jason Rapert of Conway reclining on a cloud and providing the Holy Transvaginal Probe to Eve.

B) A wrecked-out Lincoln Continental, with the hood and trunk lid accordioned from an accident.

C) Large, reeking pile of human dung, with millions of dollar bills mixed in.

D) Giant, walk-through replica of a woman's vagina, so Republican legislators can feel what it's like to literally insert themselves into women's ladybits instead of just metaphorically.

5. Which of the following is not an actual piece of legislation put forward for consideration by the 89th General Assembly?

A) A bill naming Springdale the chicken capital of the world.

B) A bill making it a crime to sell a used mattress or pillow.

C) A bill insisting the federal government has no power to regulate firearms.

D) A resolution designating March 23 "Arkansas muddin' day."

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