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Sheerly repellent

Your tax dollars at work, in the form of a news release from the secretary of state.


Your tax dollars at work, in the form of a news release from the secretary of state.

"Secretary Martin's Office Reports 'No Apparent Damage' From Lightening Strike; Roofing Crew Repels Outside Capitol Dome"

"Little Rock, Ark. — Secretary of State Mark Martin's office confirms initial reports that last Thursday's lightening strike on the Capitol dome did not cause any apparent damage to the building. Immediately following the storm, Capitol grounds crews surveyed the interior of the dome for damage, and today Butch Hyatt of Roberts-McNutt Waterproofing/Roofing repelled down the outside dome.

" 'After our roofing expert repelled down the outside of the Capitol dome and we're pleased to report there is no apparent damage to the building,' Deputy Secretary of State Alice Stewart said. 'Crews were looking for any cracks, holes or residue that would do further harm to the historical structure. It seems that due to the radius of the oval, the lightening sheared off the structure, causing no apparent damage to the building.' "

Well, they did spell capitol right, though not much else.

"Melissa Doe was arrested Monday and charged with hindering the arrests of Hiram Roe and his brother Joe Roe at the Greasy Spoon Restaurant. Police responded at 3 a.m. Feb. 25 to a report of a drunk and disorderly man at the restaurant. While attempting to arrest the brothers, Hiram Roe grabbed Hogtown officer Doris Doright's baton and began striking her on the head ... "

Let's see if I've got this straight. Hiram Roe was attempting to arrest himself and his brother — sounds drunk and disorderly, all right — when he grabbed Officer Doright's baton and started hitting her on the head. No, this "news" item is just gibberish; it was the officer who was trying to arrest the brothers when one of them started hoisting her with her own petard. Some people nowadays seem to believe that as long as you get all the right words into the sentence, it doesn't matter what order they're in. But it does.

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