From the Desk of the Chief Rabblerouser:
First off, great job out there, everybody, with the marching and the sign-making and just getting out of bed and showing up when you could be binge-watching "Dexter." Gold star for the chanters in particular. "Can't Build a Wall!/Hands Too Small!" You guys crack me up! Above all, keep putting one step in front of the other, understanding that this is a game of hours and days that will be a game of years sooner than you'd expect. For example, we're hearing at Headquarters that last week Sen. Tom Cotton reluctantly emerged from his heavily fortified burrow and saw his own shadow, which means that instead of six more weeks of angry constituents standing outside his locked office door with cameras, he's planning on holding a town hall meeting somewhere in the state at some point soon! Splendid! Stay tuned to Facebook and/or the crude radios we airdropped to you last week for updates. Also: The chair is against the wall. John has a long mustache.
Next up, before the rumors get started, I know you've heard a lot about "paid protestors" from certain presidents and assorted lackeys. We're looking into it, but from what we're hearing here at HQ, it looks like the 3 million or so $2,500 checks that George Soros, Alec Baldwin and Madonna cut for folks who participated in the Women's marches the day after the inauguration may, in fact, be lost in the mail. Sorry about that. We'll keep checking, but don't make any big purchases for now.
Another thing — and we're just spitballing here, throwing it out there and seeing what sticks — I've noticed there seems to be a distinct drought of American flags at the marches we've seen. Maybe I'm just missing them. But if I am, even that is a problem. These marches should be a sea of red, white and blue! Because this is, at its heart, a patriotic movement.
Now look, I know it feels like conservatives "own" the flag, the National Anthem, "The Star Spangled Banner," national pride, bald eagles, everybody in a flattop and a military uniform, roaring fighter jets streaming red, white and blue smoke, and anything else to do with patriotism. That's by design. They've appropriated the flag, then milked it of meaning until it seems corny. They've twisted and warped the ideas behind the flag to suit their own ends until the flag might seem like just another prop in some jingoistic jerk-off. After years of indoctrination and rah-rah propaganda about how progressives hate America, I'm sure there are people on the right who would be so offended that a leftie like you or me would carry an American flag in a march against Der Pumpkinfuhrer that they might even rather see it trampled underfoot or burned.
But if you're like me, the election, if nothing else, has made you realize just how much you love this country and the ideals that made it great. I don't know about you, but Trump's daily chipping away at the underpinnings of this nation — the dignity of the office of the presidency, the impartiality of the judiciary, the separation of powers, the U.S. Constitution, our duty to immigrants who still see America as a place of acceptance and opportunity — have made me understand just how much that flag means to people. It's not redneck lip service to say that thousands have suffered and died to make sure it still stands for something: soldiers, cops, slaves, firemen, politicians and lions for civil rights felled by assassins bullets. Men, women and children, yearning to breathe free.
So next time we march, I will have my flag with me. A big sucker, so any Trump supporter who watches the footage on TV later will see me there and have to think, for just a second, that maybe I'm not the America-hating radical they've heard so much about on Fox News and from the Twitter feed of the Tweeter-in-Chief. I hope you'll have yours with you, as well. This country is still worth fighting for by patriots of all stripes, and we should proudly claim our place in that long and continuing struggle.
Until next time, stay frosty out there, troops.