Columns » Bob Lancaster



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You Betcha says what the country needs is more refutiating, and I think she might be right.

I know I've fallen down on mine. I don't remember the last time I refutiated. I guess I was so busy denouncing, renouncing, deploring, berating, censuring, dumping on,  castigating, bemoaning, and throwing under the bus that I just didn't have time for a whole lot of what I didn't even know was a word.

And while I was asnooze at the refutiation switch, much turned up that cried out — or still does —  for immediate and massive refutiational intervention.

The 21st Century, for instance. In its entirety so far. Refutiate the whole mess, maybe except the short benign stretch in 2005 and a single fortnight of 2008, go back and redo it, give its feng a brand new shui. Taking our cue from the Wizard of Oz, refutiate some brains into the Republicans, some courage into the Democrats, and some heart into the haters and igmos and mountebanks. It couldn't help but turn out better.

There couldn't be half as many dicks. Half as many swindlers. Half as many dolts.

And that's just the leadership.

But it's not wholly or even mainly on the leadership that Century 21 is already down the toilet. It's on you morons. Whatever happened happened because you let it. In your own slovenly way, you willed it. So on your watch, we'll have gone  from global dominion to where a true imbecile, an orange one, surely overdue back at some asylum, sets the agenda for the Twenty Tens. An astonishing feat. Not a proud one, but astonishing.

You owed the Naughts a prouder page but it's too late now. And too later in  November when they send in the clowns. Don't come whining around here then, claiming you're the real victim in all this and sniveling for some manner of  consolatory prodigal refutiation.

You'll get nothing of the sort from the tuffet of Assmunch. I'll give you hell and you'll think it's refutiation..

Besides, other refutiation awaits that might still have some effect — a nasty job but somebody's got to do it. First to admit I'm not the best candidate for Grand Refutiator, being unclear yet what it even means, but I'll give it a shot and you can let me know.

Cabot, of course, is a priority. It always needs refutiating just on general principle. So shame on you Cabotonians — you cow-butts, in the vintage Yellowjacket parlance. And don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.

Codger rock bands who won't give it up are herewith courteously but fresolutely refutiated straight to the rest home. (I'd name names but the list is longer than the bankrupts or who gets free state cars.) Their audiences too. Out there trying to mosh with titanium joints and appendages that require frequent hits from the bicycle pump. Jeez.

Op-eds may now consider themselves refutiated. Including this one.

We  need to be more conscientious about having our cats and dogs refutiated.

Our drinking water needs that refutiation even if it is part of the international communist conspiracy.

Toe-sucking with whores is what Dick Morris is most refutiated for – and I hereby refutiate it and him with the power invested in me by the naked moonlight gardener.

Before he became a refutiator in real life, Arnold Schwarzenegger played one in the movies. You might ask him.

Anything from Andrew Breitbart is refutiated from the gitgo. We need to strap Mel Gibson down and refutiate the bejudas out of him.

Always refutiate meat that's been left out.

Bubba might've saved some grief by futiating rather than refutiating Dr. Elders' hand-jive advice. Bad dog!

Refutiating zombies is never enough; you always need to double-tap.

If it's the right thing — and you can tell by whether Sen. Lincoln is dithering on it — you don't have to worry about refutiation.

One likes to think that categorical refutiation is all Bro. Falwell got after whamming at the Pearly Gates until his whammer wore out.

I know people of different hue and curl who conversate and furneralize but they don't refutiate, so I hope this isn't just one of those stupid you-might-be-a-redneck exercises. If it is, I stand refutiated..

From the looks of things, there's another former provincial governor turned Fox yap who needs to re-refutiate Velveeta. And make it a covenant refutiation this time.

Even if they were subjected to forced refutiation, I believe the Duggars would find a way.

Not a single gun will be refuitated until the day comes when we're the United States of the O.K. Corral.

We need to refutiate public prayers, as JHC himself did — especially those offered up by sanctimonious twerps like, for example, the mayor of Beebe.

They shoot horses when they get as far beyond refutiation as Texas is.

An old-time example of effective refutiation was having holey shoes resoled.

Also, we might give fleeting thought to refutiating the ongoing  debasement of our language but I don't reckon we will.


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