Columns » Bob Lancaster

Pop quiz



So let's see if you've been keeping up. How many of these names in the news can you identify correctly?

Dewayne Johnson

1.        Wrestler-actor who is called The Rock.

2.        Bounty hunter-actor who is called The Dog.

3.        Horse trainer who has the most Kentucky Derby victories.

4.        Recent NBA MVP.

Rick Perry

1.        Fool Texas governor who aspires to be Texas president.

2.        Football player nicknamed “The Refrigerator.”

3.        Defense attorney who regularly wiped the floor with Hamilton Burger.

4.        One of the “In Cold Blood” killers.

Elizabeth Dole

1.        Pineapple heiress.

2.        Ex-U.S. senator who's spouse of ex-U.S. senator.

3.        Referring to disbursement of Queen of England's salary.

“The Argentine Firecracker.”

Dick Cheney

1.        Best-known contemporary uninstitutionalized U.S. lunatic.

2.        Marksman most feared by Texas bobwhites.

3.        Model for “Nosferatu” ghoul.

4.        Only recent veep without homo offspring.

Lance Armstrong

1.        “The All-American Boy”

2.        Cycling champ with multiple cancers and juicing asterisks.

3.        Herbert W.'s boy who was the voice of “The World Tomorrow” back when nut talk-radio had some class.

4.        Circular flooring mogul.

Bernie Madoff

1.        First two names of Mayberry deputy Fife

2.        The actor Tony Curtis before he changed his name.

3.        Cadaver host of movie-version weekend beach parties.

4.        Living person of whom the largest number of people who never met him are gladdest they didn't.

Blanche Lincoln

1.        George Burns' and Gracie Allen's next-door neighbor.

2.        Favorite senator of superrich who don't need no stinking estate taxes.

3.                 Whory character in “The Golden Girls.”

4.        Tennessee Williams character who always depended on the kindness of strangers.

Gordon Brown

1.        Imbecile who ran FEMA during Katrina disaster.

2.        Baddest man in the whole damn town of Chicago.

3.        Fave police commissioner of Bruce Wayne and dorky ward.

4.        British PM who walked to the classroom cool and slow and called the English teacher “daddy-o.”

Anderson Cooper

1.        Author of the Leatherstocking Tales.

2.        “The People's Choice,” with the basset hound named Cleo.

3.        Gloria Vanderbilt's boy.

4.        His was only U.S. airliner hijacking case never solved.

Dick Morris

1.        Alter ego of Ernest T. Bass.

2.        Fool political analyst who'd rather order in and suck toes with prostitutes.

3.        Midget “Call for…” bellhop with the cigarette named after him.

4.        Late finicky catfood promoter.

Albert Pujols

1.        Cards' first-sacker tater smacker.

2.        Name popular with sports poets because it rhymes with Lou Holtz.

3.        Jerry Jones' plastic surgeon.

4.        “Fat Albert” TV show was about him.

Al Franken

1.        Entertainer whose name is Italian for “eating hot dogs outdoors.”

2.        Ring Lardner's “You Know Me, Al” written about him.

3.        May get to occupy U.S. Senate seat only after he's elected to second term.

4.        Paul Simon song “You Can Call Me Al” written about him.

Mark Sanford

1.        Laughingstock governor of South Carolina.

2.                 Second-worst recent big-time swindler.

3.        TV junk dealer who was always having “the big one.”

4.        Birth name of famous Dodger pitcher Koufax.

Abu Zubaydah

1.        Guantanamo detainee waterboarded 88 times.

2.        Guantanamo detainee waterboarded 183 times.

3.        Guantanamo detainee waterboarded until it just got to be ridiculous.

4.        Convenience store owner in “The Simpsons.”

Wolf Blitzer

1.        One of Santa's reindeer, usually mentioned eighth.

2.        Grizzled CNN loup garou.

3.        Obama advisor, named for Jack London character.

4.        Cartoon character who huffed, puffed, and blew their houses down.


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