Let’s start with the obvious: There’s nothing you could possibly buy your mother to even out the fact that she squeezed you out of her own body and/or cleaned up after all your bodily functions for years on end.
But hey, no harm in trying.
And there’s certainly not a shortage of possibilities out there. Stores are filled, always, with small, not particularly useful, but fun things that seem to exist just so we’ll have something to buy each other when the occasion presents itself.
Like, say, a line of fun painted wine glasses designed by local artist Alice Allred, currently on the shelves at Open House (8212 Cantrell Road). Each wine glass is painted with a cartoonish woman’s face, and the designs have names like “Anita Tenshun.” My favorite is “Ima Diva,” who has not only a face, but bodacious 3D bazongas as well. They’re $22 each. Flower pots with similar designs go for $20.
If the mom in your life is more into pampering of a non-alcoholic sort, Bath Junkie on President Clinton Avenue in the River Market has all sorts of good-smelling lotions and soaps and oils. You can customize your own from over a hundred scents, or keep it simple and grab a slice of scented soap ($6) or a pair of fuzzy pink “Diva Slippers” ($25). For name value alone, I like the Moisturizing Detox Rocks ($21.50 for a 32-ounce tub). They also carry the most amazingly soft Acquis bathrobes ($100) — she may never get dressed again if you get her one of those. And if her tastes tend more toward the goofy, maybe go with the limited edition Bill Clinton rubber duckie ($12).
WordsWorth Books has a great gift for the new mom or mom-to-be: “Hatched: The Big Push from Pregnancy to Motherhood,” by Sloane Tanen ($14.95). It’s a collection of cartoon-like vignettes about, well, pregnancy and new motherhood, illustrated with photographs of little stuffed chicks in all sorts of hilarious poses. I’m not usually one for “humor” books, but this one actually did make me laugh. One example: “Sally was thrilled to have all her sorority sisters with her in the delivery room … until she pooped. That was so NOT Kappa Kappa Gamma.”
And if she’d punch you for thinking there’s anything funny about her current state, pick up a nice soothing jar of high-end cocoa butter at Splendid Sentiments (3131 JFK Blvd.) instead. The owners are redecorating the store, so almost everything — including the $22 Fruits and Passion cocoa butter — is half off. It smells like dark chocolate, and chocolate’s a mood elevator, so maybe it’ll take the edge off her crankiness as well as her stretch marks.
Other ideas on sale at Splendid Sentiments: Small romantic photo albums, $10 sale price; a hand-made monkey-themed baby book, $41 sale price. The store also carries the Cucina line of kitchen-related skin care, some Fitz and Floyd items, and a wide selection of Beverly Clark and Arthur Court bridal accessories (all bridal is 25 percent off).