Columns » Bob Lancaster

Émigré

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The discourse here in Century 21 USA has got just too stupid for me. It's toxic and comprehensive, all stupid all the time. It seeks to accomplish nothing, only to berate the efforts of the other guy, and the popularity of it has brought me down to the point that I was telling the boys at the House of Dominoes the other day, "I'm thinking about leaving it with all you hicks and rednecks and moving overseas."

“Sure you are,” they laughed.

They wished me bon voyage and told me to not let the door hit me in the butt on my way out.

“No, listen, whoremongers, I'm serious,” I told them, and from that point the hilarity did a considerable taper.

Here's the gist of what they told me. This is the best country on earth. It's the best country that ever has been, and anybody that's here would have to be a fool, an aspiring terrorist, or an escaped convict to absquatulate with permanent intent.

Think of all the illegals clawing all over one another just to get here.

How do they know this is the best country now and ever, I wondered. They just know, they said. “Some things you just know,” said the Mammoth Cod.

Tater Boy said the reason he knew it was because he heard Sean Hannity say it on TV about 15 times a day and they wouldn't let somebody go on TV and just wear you out with something that wasn't true.

“Surely you jest,” I said, and he said, “I jest what?”

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