News » The Big Picture

Love notes


For our Valentine's Day issue this week, we heard many tales of love, loss and lust. Here are a few tidbits: marriage, divorce, sex and some memorable pickup lines.

Father knows best
By Piper Smith

We were home for Christmas. My boyfriend Jonny Keizer stayed up drinking with my dad and since he had him alone, he asked for my hand in marriage. My dad said, "Shit yeah!" and started taking off his wedding ring to give to him. At that point my sister walked in and saw my dad trying to force his wedding ring off on Jonny. My sister managed to keep the secret but the next day, when Jonny left the house, my dad came up to me. He was drunk and couldn't help himself: "You're engaged!"

I'm still not officially engaged, but I think a proposal is in the works. Jonny gets a little agitated if I bring it up.

As told to David Ramsey.

Fifteen minutes
By Anonymous

I was at a friend's house, a guy who had hit on me a few times, but I always demurred. So one day, he looked at me and said, "If you give me 15 minutes to get as nasty as I want to, I will never bug you about it again." Well. That got my attention, and I agreed. I wanted to see — how nasty could it be? That line was the only reason I did it. I was thinking it would be crazy. I steeled myself, and I was thinking OK, I might see some stuff and experience some stuff I'm not used to. I prepared myself to be open-minded.

Here's the thing: It was not nasty at all. We didn't hang out after that.

As told to David Ramsey.

Kristy Teeter Hitchcock

It was about 1980, I'm in a bar outside Atlanta and a guy — picture gold chains, a Nik-Nik, and thick mustache — says to me, "You want to go home with me? I have Doritos. Nacho cheese Doritos." For the record, it didn't work, but definitely good for a laugh for years.

Via Facebook.

A pickup line with bite
By Sami Long Kopelman

"I've always wanted to know how it feels to kiss an adult woman wearing braces."

Via Facebook.

Make cute
By Atlas999

I thought it was the worst, until I used it once out of desperation. Then, and over time I found that is/was charming, disarming and worked great. "Would you like to see a cute little bed?"


Going to the chapel
By Anonymous

I tried to back out two weeks before I got married. I told my parents I didn't want to go through with it. My mom got very angry and said it was just cold feet. My dad offered to go hide me by getting me committed to a mental institution. He said, "I'll take you to Memphis and put you in Charter Lakeside so you won't have to get married." So my options were get married or go in to a mental institution. My mom kept saying she'd invited all these people to my shower, it's just cold feet. So I did it. I was 30 minutes late. I did my own hair and it looked terrible. I was totally unhappy. My best friend who should have talked me out of it had taken two Valiums and was too out of it to stop me. As I walked down the aisle in the church, I thought, "This is a mistake. How can I get out of this as soon as possible once this wedding is over? How can I end this?" I probably would have ended it sooner, but I felt very guilty about the gifts. Also, my husband was a really nice guy. The nicest guy. I felt terrible. We went to couples counseling just to make sure, and on the very first visit the therapist pointed out that I wanted out of the relationship. I finally left after 10 months. (I was watching VH1 "Shortest Celebrity Marriages," and I would have been in the top 10, like Alyssa Milano or Pam Anderson territory.) It took me another year and a half to actually file for divorce because I was worried I would do something stupid, like get married again.

As told to David Ramsey.

Trout tale
By Anonymous

My first real boyfriend once brought a trout to bed. He'd cooked it for my birthday breakfast and I thought it was the sweetest thing. Later on, he went fishing in other ponds, if you know what I mean, and we split, both ending up in happier waters. But I'll never forget the trout.

As told to Leslie Newell Peacock.

Add a comment