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Inconsequential news quiz

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Bald Knob made Comedy Central's "Colbert Report" last week, with copious ripping on the town's name ("... throbbing just beneath the skin of Bald Knob is an old problem"), for a story about a local pastor's successful attempt to stifle a threat which he said could lead to vandalism, methamphetamine use, burglary and sex. What was the problem? A) A new dance called "The Pine Bluff Clutch."  B) A recent spike in the popularity of "emo" hairstyles. C) A charity bingo game for senior citizens. D) A local animal shelter's monthly beauty contest for dogs.

Two men were arrested at the Lowe's home improvement store in Fayetteville on June 7. What was their alleged offense?  A) Repeatedly asking the associate in plumbing if he knew how to "lay that pipe."  B) Passing out in a floral display in the parking lot while huffing a can of keyboard duster. C) Spray painting "Mittens wuz here" on the side of a $1,300 refrigerator.  D) Suggestively holding a plumb bob while smiling at a female cashier.

On June 10, a wreck was narrowly averted on the freeway ramp at 2nd and Cumberland in downtown Little Rock. What happened to almost cause the crash?  A) A trained duck performing tricks at a nearby birthday party escaped and sprinted across the street. B) A large watermelon fell from the sky and smashed a driver's windshield.  C) A delivery truck's door fell open and dumped a load of sliced pepperoni. D) A disoriented pelican landed in the roadway and refused to move.

A flyer being circulated by Bobby Tullis, Libertarian candidate for the 4th Congressional District, includes which of the following statements?  A) "The only promise I will make is that I will try to get Elvis on the $100 bill." B) "The only thing we have to fear is everything."  C) "The 4th Congressional District is not only the heart of this state, it is the spleen, the kidneys, the liver and the bowel." D) "Barack Obama may not be from Kenya, but my opponent is from Texas, and I can prove it." 

Which of the following was NOT one of the lots up for sale at last week's auctions of the personal effects of Little Rock philanthropist and businessman Jennings Osborne? A) A 10-ton military surplus truck with four-wheel steering. B) A giant barbecue smoker in the shape of a pig. C) A signed photograph of Burt Reynolds with the inscription: "To Jennings, the sexiest gatdamn man I ever knew."  D) A wooden barbecue grill.

Answers on the following page.

Answers: C, B, B, A, C.

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