1) A Union County woman was arrested recently after police said she followed some questionable advice from her mother. What was the advice?
A) Sex tip from Cosmopolitan magazine involving a piece of piano wire and a bottle of Louisiana hot sauce.
B) To actually use the disgusting pouch of guts inside a frozen turkey for food.
C) That she should give alcohol to her 10-month-old, who was crying because of teething pain. The child was later airlifted to a hospital with a blood alcohol content of .19, but recovered.
D) Fed her unsuspecting husband a whole box of chocolate laxatives, to "flush out" his recurrent cold.
2) When the woman in the above item had her mugshot taken, what was printed on the green T-shirt she was wearing?
A) "YOU'RE AN IDIOT."
B) "If this is upside down, put me back on my barstool."
C) "#1 Mom."
D) "Hey, watch this ..."
3) Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee went in for surgery last week, and later posted a photo to Facebook featuring something removed from his body. What was it?
A) Last shred of human decency.
B) His brain, as part of a strategy to go toe-to-toe with Donald Trump in future debates.
C) A bone chip from his knee.
D) Janet's wedding band, which he swallowed during a weekend-long FunYuns binge in 1997.
4) Baxter County Judge Mickey Pendergrass announced just before Thanksgiving that, based on legal advice, a certain event is no longer welcome at the courthouse. What was it?
A) Yearly ritual stoning of a virgin, an outsider and an old crone to appease He Who Lurks in the Glade of Shadows.
B) "Foot Fetishists on Parade" parade.
C) The annual Christmas nativity display.
D) Friday night "run what ya brung" lawnmower races.
5) The Arkansas Department of Correction recently updated its dress code for those visiting state prisons. Which of the following was an actual item banned by the ADC?
A) T-shirts featuring "any character, logo or element from the AMC show 'Breaking Bad.' "
B) "New England Patriots attire. Because we hate those cheating f***ers."
C) "All naughty Halloween costumes, but especially 'Sexy Cop.' "