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Inconsequential News Quiz: The last weekly edition

Play at home, then flee the scene in a taxi.

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1) Local law enforcement agencies recently announced their participation in "Operation Porch Pirate." What is "Operation Porch Pirate"?

A) An attempt to break up a vicious lawn chair theft ring.

B) A response to a recent resurgence of the ol' "flaming paper sack full of dog shit on the stoop" prank in Greater Little Rock.

C) A group of pirates who go door to door, demanding grog.

D) A joint effort by the U.S. Attorney's Office, the U.S. Postal Service and the Little Rock Police Department to arrest and prosecute those who steal packages from front porches.



2) A billboard at the intersection of North Van Buren Street and Kavanaugh Boulevard in Hillcrest has some folks up in arms. What's the issue?

A) It features a realistic drawing of a railroad tunnel entrance, and seven Hillcrestians have already attempted to drive through it.

B) It's an advertisement for Peckers, a new West Little Rock Hooters spinoff.

C) Failed Little Rock mayoral candidate Glen Schwarz has climbed the billboard and vowed not to come down until the city implements his genius-level idea for rollercoaster-based public transit.

D) It's a billboard for a gun show featuring the image of a gigantic assault rifle that happens to be pointed across the street toward Mount St. Mary Academy, a Catholic high school for girls.

3) Last week, a woman robbed an Arvest Bank branch on Broadway in Little Rock. What, according to police, was weird about the robbery?

A) When the dye pack exploded, she snorted the dye.

B) All she demanded was the bowl full of lollipops.

C) She forced the tellers to hand over the loot by playing audio from one of Donald Trump's word-salad rally speeches until they complied.

D) After holding up the bank, she made her getaway in the backseat of a taxicab.

4) The ACLU of Arkansas recently filed a federal lawsuit on behalf of the Arkansas Times, challenging a state law that it believes is unconstitutional. What's the issue?

A) It mandates that Arkansas Times Senior Editor Max Brantley submit to thrice-monthly peltings with rotten tomatoes on the lawn of the Saline County Courthouse.

B) It requires the staff of Arkansas Times to select one of its own every spring for ritual witch-dunking to ensure a bountiful harvest.  

C) It authorizes the immediate construction of a seamless, 30-foot-high concrete "border protection wall" around the Arkansas Times newsroom.

D) It forces state contractors, including the Times, to either sign a pledge not to boycott Israel or reduce their fees by at least 20 percent, which is effectively a tax on free speech.  

5) Speaking of the Arkansas Times newspaper, there's something different about this issue. What is it?

A) If you scratch the photo of columnist Jay Barth, you'll get a whiff of his heady, rugged mansmell.

B) It's set in an all-new font called Standard Umstead.

C) It's not that weed you just smoked ... the photos are moving.

D) It's the last regular weekly print edition before the Arkansas Times transitions to a monthly magazine format in February.

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