1) Last week, the Little Rock Police Department arrested two men near the junction of Interstate 430 and Colonel Glenn Road who police said had 37 pounds of marijuana with them. According to police, how were the cops tipped off to the fact that the men had a large haul of pot?
A) Their van appeared to be made entirely of marijuana.
B) The weed had turned several of their unfortunate customers into iguanas.
C) Someone reported two guys smoking pot on a parking lot, and a search of their vehicle allegedly turned up the massive load of weed.
D) A member of the Arkansas Medical Marijuana Commission ratted them out after they shortchanged him on a cash bribe.
2) Recently, a case came to light near the tiny Benton County town of Goshen that shocked local residents and resulted in two men being arrested. What, according to police, are real details of the case?
A) The victim escaped wearing only a blanket and what police called a "chastity device."
B) One of the men arrested for allegedly holding the victim captive was reportedly 7-foot-2 — only two inches shorter than the late pro-wrestler Andre the Giant.
C) When questioned by police, one of the men arrested said that he had a "puppy" persona, and answered a detective's question about whether he understood his Miranda rights by saying "Woof."
D) All of the above.3) Last week, the Arkansas Legislative Council endorsed new public school curriculum rules that eliminated a once-popular subject as an elective in Arkansas high schools. What subject was eliminated? A) Advanced Meth Cookery.
B) Wizardry and Witchcraft.
C) Home Wreckernomics.D) Journalism.
4) Economists with the University of Arkansas System Division of Agriculture recently announced that if U.S. trading partners respond to President Trump's vastly stupid tariffs on steel and aluminum with 25 percent tariffs on U.S. soybeans, rice, corn and sorghum, Arkansas farmers could take quite a hit. How much are we talking here?
B) "LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!"
C) "Trade wars are good and easy to win."
D) $383 million.
5) Recently, in a case picked up by The Washington Post and other national outlets, a 25-year-old man from Scranton (Logan County) who was being sentenced on multiple counts related to drugs and possession of child pornography admitted to a Benton County judge that he had intentionally sought out and contracted the HIV virus so that he could attempt to infect others without their knowledge. Holy hell. Are we being serious right now?
A) Damn straight.
B) What the eff, man?
C) Somebody stop this ball of dirt at the next asteroid and let us off, please.
D) All of the above.