1) A couple in Jonesboro was recently arrested and charged with several crimes. What, according to police, were they allegedly doing?
A) Shaving alley cats and selling them as more valuable hairless cats.
B) Nothing, but they called in the interrogation team from the West Memphis Police Department and got a full confession out of them, anyway.
C) Making graphic sex videos in public places, including a Home Depot store, a Cheddar's restaurant and an Arkansas nature center, which they would then upload to the internet.
D) "General libtardary."
2) Recently, a Bull Shoals man who purchased — sight unseen — the contents of an abandoned storage locker in Little Rock found that the locker contained a surprising literary find. What was in the locker?
A) The manuscript of former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee's unpublished book: "I Sold My Integrity to Trump, and All I Got Was a Lousy White House Press Secretary."
B) Author George R.R. Martin, busily typing away on the next "Game of Thrones" book.
C) 10,000 remaindered copies of state Sen. Jason Rapert's 2012 "Special Edition" of the Bible, which he edited down to a slim volume containing only the Ten Commandments, Ezekiel 23:20 and all the stuff about hating on gay people.
D) Books belonging to the West Memphis 3's Damien Echols, including at least two personal journals Echols kept during his 18 years on Death Row, the locker apparently having been abandoned by Echols' wife, Lorri Davis, after his August 2011 release.
3) A recent Talk Business & Politics/Hendrix College poll found something interesting about Arkansans' attitudes. What did the poll show?
A) That Arkansas Sen. Trent "The Union County Giant" Garner (R-El Dorado) really screwed the pooch with his constituency when he lost that steel cage ladder match to arch-rival Rep. David "Nature Boy" Whitaker (D-Fayetteville) back in June.
B) That Donald Trump's job approval rating dropped 10 full points in the state between February and July, going from 60 percent to 50 percent of Arkansas voters who approve of his performance as president. (Also: 56 percent of Arkansas voters disapprove of his activity on Twitter.)
C) That 3-day-old sushi, antibiotic-resistant chlamydia and no-anesthesia oral surgery are all now more popular than Arkansas Times Senior Editor Max Brantley among registered Republicans.
D) That Governor Hutchinson would have an approval rating approximately 4 to 5 points higher if he threw in "gatdamn" as an adjective every once in a while.
4) An issue at the Magic Springs amusement park in Hot Springs recently inconvenienced some guests there. What happened?
A) The park's "X Coaster" ride stopped running, stranding riders high in the air, with workers reportedly climbing the frame of the coaster with water to keep riders hydrated during their sweltering, hour-long ordeal.
B) Pranksters dumped 200 pounds of instant fruit punch powder and 100 gallons of vodka into the wave pool, leading to both arrests and the best party Hot Springs has seen since Owney Madden was alive.
C) An attempt by two guests to get it on in the log flume as it plunged for an epic splashdown led to both expected tragedy and unexpected pregnancy.
D) Special musical guest Cheap Trick burst out of its cage and rampaged through the park for over an hour before the band's handlers were able to coax it back into its enclosure with sardines and promises of "tummy num-nums."
5) The city of Fayetteville recently poked a metaphorical stick in the eye of the Trump administration. What did it do?
A) Joined 14 other cities across the nation that are working with the city of Chicago to preserve and publish EPA data on climate change, which has been deleted by the Trump regime, via the web portal climatechange.cityofchicago.org
B) Cut its illiteracy rate by 8 percent over the past two years, thus denying Trump's 2020 campaign thousands of potential voters.
C) Banned the sale of any bronzing cream more orange than "sweet potato."
D) Passed a law requiring that all "Make America Great Again" hats worn in city limits must include a flashing "Beware the Idiot" sign on the back.