A) Phasing out the longstanding "large dirt ramp" method of crossing rivers in Hazzard County.
B) Legally codifying the "Gas, Grass or Ass, Nobody Rides for Free" doctrine.
C) Upping the speed limit, to 75 mph on rural understates and 65 mph on rural multilane highways.
D) Certifying "trucker bombs" as a Class One biohazard.
A) The Little Rock Animal Village is offering an "Adopt a Llama, Get an Iguana" deal.
B) The city shipped a steamer trunk full of gold Krugerrands to Amazon chief Jeff Bezos as part of Little Rock's ongoing publicity stunt to somehow show Amazon how much we didn't need their stupid
C) There will be a parking ticket amnesty in November, in exchange for contributions to the city's homeless day shelter, Jericho Way.
D) The city is providing free bulletproof Kevlar/spandex pants for any bicyclists who want to ride the new Asher Avenue Bike Trail.
3) Online blogger The Friendly Atheist recently reached out to Sen. Jason Rapert (R-Golgotha) to ask how he planned to spend the extra thousands of dollars he's raised from donations to replace the original Ten Commandments monument on the state Capitol grounds, which was destroyed within 24 hours of its installation in June. What, according to the blogger, was included in Rapert's response to the query?
A) A Bible, in which the blogger found that Ezekiel 23:20 had been highlighted, circled repeatedly in glitter marker and annotated in the margins with the word "HOT!"
B) A red baseball cap embroidered with the phrase: "Make America Stone Disobedient Children to Death Again."
C) A rather confusing warning for the blogger to be truthful in the story, lest they "find out what real journalism can accomplish."
D) An invitation to invest in his new venture, Bro. Rapert's Old-Fashioned Coat Hangers ("Just Like Grandma Used Before Roe v. Wade!").
4) Recently, a 41-year-old Little Rock man was charged with 11 felonies, including gun and drug charges. What was remarkable about the man's arrest?
A) At the time, he was wearing a "Love, Little Rock" T-shirt.
B) He was arrested outside the Little Rock Police Department headquarters on Markham Street.
C) He worked at Better Community and Family Values, a nonprofit that seeks to help young people find positive alternatives to gang involvement and selling drugs.
D) He's Mayor Mark Stodola's brother-in-law.
5) Recently, KATV, Channel 7, reported on how Mountain Pine High's star football player, who had been ruled ineligible by the Arkansas Athletic Association because he was a transfer student, became eligible to play. According to the report, how did the student — whose team has reportedly won every game since he joined — get the green light to take the field?
A) His name happens to be Paul Manafort and Donald Trump mistakenly pardoned him. SAD!
C) He married a 17-year-old Mountain Pine student, which, under an obscure AAA rule, made him immediately eligible to play.
D) He takes a knee during the National Anthem, then sprints onto the field while the crowd is angrily tweeting its outrage.