A) Pancho's Old Fashioned Love Grease: The Lube With A Tingle!
B) Dr Pepper's idiot brother who flunked out of medical school,
C) Yuengling Beer, which was previously sold only east of the Mississippi River.
D) Rickety Deathtrap brand unicycles.
A) Chelsea Clinton.
B) Any Republican who ISN'T a child molester.
C) A birthday-cake-powered cyborg.
D) Yet another perfect clone of Cotton, grown and programmed in the Koch brothers' secret North Korean volcano lair.
3) A new documentary by Arkansas filmmakers Brent and Craig Renaud recently debuted on HBO. What's it called?
A) "Brent and Craig Renaud Tersely Correct People on How To Pronounce Their Last Name."
B) "Jiro Dreams of Sushi 2: The Nigiri Strikes Back"
C) "Meth Storm," a documentary about the struggles of those addicted to cheap, high-grade methamphetamine in rural Arkansas.
D) "Bigly Tremendous Fantastic Voyage," which documents the real-life mission to shrink a submarine and send it into Donald Trump's brain to try to fix whatever the hell has clearly gone wrong in there.
4) Pulaski County Circuit Judge Tim Fox recently issued an order that threw the state into some turmoil for a brief period. What was Fox's order?
A) He ordered that leopard print shall henceforth be considered "classy."
B) He added "really, really bogus day in court" to the list of conditions that qualifies a patient for a medical marijuana card.
C) He ordered the state to stop issuing all birth certificates until Arkansas complied with a U.S. Supreme Court decision that required birth certificates issued to gay and lesbian couples to include the names of both same-sex parents.
D) He declared Dec. 15 "Judge Tim Fox Is Better at Everything Than You Day" statewide.
5) A bit of landscaping on the grounds of the Clinton Presidential Center made news recently. What was it?
A) Vandals clipped a shrub into the spitting image of Whitewater Special Prosecutor Ken Starr.
B) There was another axe murder in that creepy hedge maze Bill insisted on having planted.
C) A patch of farkleberries, a plant forever connected to Arkansas politics by the late, great editorial cartoonist George Fisher, who often used the term to mock Gov. Orval Faubus, was planted.
D) The Whomping Willow won't stop whomping Clinton School of Public Service Dean Skip Rutherford.