1) A recent Freedom of Information Act request by the Arkansas Times revealed that 179 officers with the Little Rock Police Department take their taxpayer-funded cars home after work. According to the data provided by the LRPD, what is the longest daily commute in a department-owned patrol car?
A) Who cares? We ain't paying for it! Oh, wait ... .
B) The Garland County town of Fountain Lake, which is a 97-mile round trip from Little Rock.
C) Whitesville, which is 27 miles from Integration.
D) Unaccountabilitytown, an undisclosed amount of miles away.
2) Governor Hutchinson recently announced the first step in what he hopes will be an effort, as he put it, to transform state government. What was the big announcement?
A) Placing wind generators inside the state Capitol to harness the gusts of flatulence and hot air produced while the legislature is in session, producing an estimated 1.21 gigawatts of electricity.
B) A "citizen focused" website and hotline called My Idea, which will allow citizens to share their ideas for making government more efficient.
C) Weekly, death-defying motorcycle stunt shows hosted by Lt. Gov. Tim Griffin on the Capitol lawn.
D) An all-nude "Hot Bods of Arkansas State Government" calendar, which will be distributed free to every citizen who doesn't pay a $150 ransom to opt out.
3) According to a recent story in The Saline Courier, a funeral home in Benton is offering something new to families of the bereaved. What is it?
A) Upon request, the bodies of deceased Fox News viewers can be processed into high-quality kibble for billionaire Job Creators' Pomeranians. #MAGA.
B) Urns shaped like giant Milwaukee's Best cans.
C) A $3,895 coffin made of rough, salvaged barn wood, complete with knots and unfilled nail holes.
D) The "Saline County Viking Funeral," in which the body is placed in a replica of a cheap motel room, then cremated in a simulated meth lab explosion.
4) Rock Region Metro, which operates buses in Central Arkansas, recently announced a development that will benefit some of those who use the bus to get around town. What was the big announcement?
A) A new "Witness a Stabbing? Ride Free!" program.
B) A $30 pass that grants unlimited bus rides to Greater Little Rock elementary and middle school students all summer.
C) Bus exhaust will no longer be vented directly into the passenger compartment.
D) One random busload of riders this summer will be treated to a thrilling, unannounced re-enactment of the 1994 Keanu Reeves film "Speed."
5) The Social Security Administration recently announced the most popular baby names in Arkansas for 2016. What were the top names, respectively, for boys and girls?
A) Elijah and Ava.
B) Collusion and Ivanka.
C) Merkin and Peckerette.
D) Chubby and Dipshit Jr.