1) Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee recently took to Twitter to issue a rare apology. What did he apologize for?
A) "All the doo-doo jokes."
B) Injuries caused by faulty grommets on recalled pairs of Mike Huckabee's Fat Again Slacks ("The Slacks With a Drawstring!").
C) A comment on Fox News in which Huckabee said retired Gen. John Kelly, recently named White House chief of staff, "didn't ride the short bus," a reference that incensed many parents of special needs children.
D) This photo:
2) The tiny town of Avoca (pop. 512) in Benton County recently did something that puts it ahead of more populated centers like Little Rock and Fayetteville. What did the town do?
A) Seceded from Arkansas, declared itself part of Massachusetts and began accepting intellectual refugees from the rest of Benton County.
B) Legalized medical methamphetamine.
C) Started allowing liquor stores to sell alcohol on Sundays.
D) Moved up voting in the 2020 presidential election to last Tuesday and went with "any living human being but Trump" in a landslide.
3) The Desha County Quorum Court recently voted 7-2 to approve something that might be a bit controversial. What did the court do?
A) Moved all public toilets outdoors with no surrounding stall so transgender people will be too embarrassed to use them.
B) Required all citizens in the county to take a three-hour seminar on how to spell "quorum."
C) Allowed members of the quorum court — and only members of the quorum court — to carry handguns to their meetings.
D) Mandated that loudspeakers in the quorum court chamber blare Rihanna's "Bitch Better Have My Money" as members enter and exit their monthly meeting.
4) A 77-year-old woman serving as an usher during a recent funeral at Jonesboro's First United Methodist Church experienced something that required a call to the police. What happened?
A) She emerged from the blazing funeral pyre with three newly hatched dragons and a vow to return her exiled family to Craighead County's Corncob Throne.
B) The foolhardy decision to serve a punch made of spiced rum, Clamato and Mello Yello at the wake led to the corpse rising from the coffin in protest, thus beginning the long-promised zombie apocalypse.
C) After the funeral, she found that one of the attendees had stolen her wallet out of her purse.
D) She got confused while exiting the church and drove off in the hearse, setting off a madcap chase through the streets of nearby Paragould.
5) Something unexpected happened recently at a Little Rock outlet of the Cracker Barrel restaurant chain. What was it?
A) A diner under the age of 30 ate there by choice, while not accompanied by her parent or grandparent.
B) A radioactive spider crawled out of a vintage can of Dr. Hubbard's Radium Liniment, bit an assistant manager and transformed him into the world's newest superhero: The Black Cracker!
C) A driver passed out while pulling into the parking lot and drove her Honda CRV through a wall and into the restaurant.
D) A patron browsing the gift shop mistakenly purchased the first bag of horehound candy sold in the continental United States since 1922.