1) Big doings at the state Capitol with regard to the proposed Ten Commandments monument scheduled to be installed on the lawn. What's the news?
A) Sen. Jason Rapert (R-Conway) was struck by an attack of the vapors after a secretary of state press release used the phrase "erection of the monument."
B) New architectural drawings reveal that the monument will have a creamy nougat center.
C) The concrete base where the monument will sit was recently completed, bringing the monument another step closer to its inevitable and costly removal by the federal courts.
D) Last minute amendments by the Legislature added over a dozen additional commandments, including "Thou Shalt Have No Other Beers Before Bud Light" and "He Who Hath Smelt It, Surely Hath Dealt It."
2) It's the end of an era, with the recent announcement that Little Rock's last outlet of a once-iconic company will soon be closed forever. What is it?
A) Southwest Little Rock's Could Be Cat BBQ.
B) Useless Bullshit Warehouse.
C) Dr. Terwilliger's Artisan Ice Cube Emporium in SOMA.
D) Little Rock's last remaining K-Mart store, on Rodney Parham Road.
3) The office of Secretary of State Mark Martin recently released a statement related to voting. What did he say?
A) That in 2016, fewer Arkansans than ever voted for the write-in presidential candidate of "Freebird!" though the number is still around 26 percent.
B) That votes cast for "that NASCAR guy" will henceforth be counted in favor of not-NASCAR-driver Mark Martin.
C) That there is no indication that Arkansas election systems were the target of intrusion by hackers prior to the 2016 election, as is suspected in other states.
D) That votes for Trump in 2020 written in "crayon and/or dookie" will be counted as valid.
4) Pulaski County deputies recently arrested a woman at her home near Jacksonville after she allegedly stabbed her husband during an altercation. What, according to investigators, did she say to officers on the scene after being told her husband would survive his injuries?
A) "Nobody gets the last pork rind but Momma."
B) That her husband's continued defense of Keynesian economics given current trends proved that he deserved to be stabbed.
C) That the new Wonder Woman movie got her so fired up that she came home and shanked the patriarchy.
D) That she "needed to work on her knife skills."
5) A Northeast Arkansas tobacco store was robbed last week. How did Jonesboro police officers recover the money?
A) They found the suspect at the Hijinx Family Entertainment bowling alley, waving the cash and yelling, "I'm feeling a Lucky Strike coming on!"
B) Officers tracked the source of a rainbow to Bono, where they found the stolen money in a pot.
C) They intercepted a pie being delivered to the casino at Southland Racing and Gaming greyhound track.
D) They asked the suspect to open her mouth, where they found 14 $20 bills, one $5 and four $1s.
ANSWERS: C, D, C, D, D