A) Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?
B) Were you born in
C) Rootie Kazootie! Wowie Kazow!
D) Gary Weir, who famously portrayed Bozo the Clown on television in Central Arkansas for 25-plus years.
A) Bedbug bites they received while staying at a Hilton Hotel in Rancho Cucamonga, Calif.
B) A hideous, pumpkin-headed scarecrow they bought at Halloween Express that started shouting racist diatribes turned out to be Donald Trump.
C) Injury from drinking a gallon of liquid detergent because the "Do Not Drink" warning on the label was too small.
D) The AR-15 assault rifle they purchased at Academy Sports fired only glowing pink beams of pure love.
3) A Hempstead County judge got in hot water recently over a decision he made. What was it?
A) Scattered granola and flaxseed instead of sand on icy roads last December, leading to a record hippie infestation.
B) Squandered $600,000 in county funds to stage the failed Mouthsplosion Music Festival, a three-day celebration of the jaw harp.
C) Added a hint of spicy chipotle and lime to the county water supply.
D) Drove a $65,000 truck the county had purchased for his official use on a personal vacation to Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming — a
4) Governor Hutchinson may have a challenger in the 2018 Republican primary for governor who is farther on the right than he is. Who is it?
A) A life-sized cardboard cutout of Ronald Reagan, which is expected to easily beat Hutchinson in the charisma department.
B) Sen. Jason Rapert (R-Conway), who has promised that, if elected, he will provide the state with free electricity by building a hellish "Matrix"-style power plant full of comatose gay people.
C) Jan Morgan, the Hot Springs Second Amendment advocate who infamously declared her gun range a "Muslim-free zone" in 2014.
D) Rep. Jedidiah Pecker (R-Merkin Fork), who is running on a platform that includes bringing to justice the Antifa/Black Lives Matter infiltrators who wish to "sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."
5) City Director Doris Wright was lucky to escape serious injury after crashing her open VW Beetle convertible near 15th and Battery streets in Little Rock last week. What caused the accident?
A) She was startled when she opened a previously unnoticed compartment in the console and found the bleached bones of a stowaway German.
B) Earth, Wind & Fire's "Boogie Wonderland" came on the radio and she was momentarily stupefied by the powerful groove.
C) After hitting 88 miles an hour and unexpectedly jumping back in time to 1957, she ran over a wayward Klansman who was on his way to menace children at Central High.
D) A man ran