A little advice for the Republican Party | The Hoglawyer

A little advice for the Republican Party

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At 2:30 A.M., I come up with great advice for people. Here is my advice to Clint Reed, head of the Republican Party of Arkansas. I predict he won't write me back and more importantly, won't listen.

Dear Mr. Reed,

I have some advice for how you might recoup some of your party's substantial losses on a local and national level.

1. Pick a few candidates that people actually like.

2. Discourage the president ( actually his minions) from saying things like - if the democrats win, the terrorists win

3. Ever balance your checkbook? the same principle works for the national budget - if you need advice give Bill Clinton a call

4. Quit listening to the NRA - the voters are not so stupid to believe democrats are anti-gun ownership

5. Did you know that Arkansas has a constitutional amendment that would outlaw abortion if Roe v. Wade is overturned? As a wedge issue - its weak - leave the women alone

7. Find a candidate who is for increasing school standards, not weakening them and telling tall tales about long bus rides

8. did you know there is also an amendment against allowing gay marriage in Arkansas? Really, look it up. Again - whats the issue here?

9. Quit bashing gay people - its tacky and it makes the evangelical preachers upset for some reason

10. Avoid using children to sling mud at your candidates' opponents - do you think that stupid commercial gave you even 1 extra vote?

11. Discourage your candidates from blackballing the Ark Times, it just gets them riled up.

12. Nobody cares about Nick Wilson, promise

13. Phasing a grocery tax out instead of eliminating it isn't such a bad idea

14. Bashing immigrants gets you nowhere - NW Arkansas would slide into a depression without them you know

16. Quit talking about your candidate wearing some stupid flack jacket -

17. Jim Holt is scary. Let me repeat that. Jim Holt is scary.

18. Don't run a candidate with 100% name recognition --- all negative such as "Delay." Nixon would be a bad choice as well

19. Discourage your candidates from sending sexual messages to pages or covering such activities up.

20. Try to raise some money, it helps.

21. when the president's popularity is at 35% - it probably won't help your candidates to have him campaign for them.

22. Discourage your candidates from invading another country until they know what is going on with proof

23. Tell your candidates to avoid bashing their opponent's wife - especially if she is a popular preacher - it doesn't help

24. Karl Rove is not as smart as you think.

25. Show a little compassion - the less your candidates act like Dick Cheney, the better

I wish you luck

Sincerely,

Hoglawyer

From the ArkTimes store

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