Oh, boy! Oh, boy! If I so desire, I can have a “Limited Edition Trump Black Card.” Words fail me in my joy. You, too, can have one, if you want to send some of your hard-earned shekels towards his 2020 campaign.
Okay, so it is the same “Limited Edition” card that the candidate who infamously bragged about “self-funding” his 2016 presidential run offered folks, but it has made an amazing comeback in recent days - at least online, where every day someone from the Trump campaign will post this amazing offer.
“Limited TRUMP Black Card
“Always have your TRUMP Black Card with you.
“Exclusively for my best supporters that stand WITH ME and against the FAKE NEWS MSM that wants to SABOTAGE our movement.
“Contribute $200 $35 or more now and get your TRUMP Black Card today.
“I want to see YOUR name on this exclusive list:
“Choose donation amount:
And yes, you can make this a regular monthly donation. No word on whether you can get additional cards for family and friends with your additional monthly donations. Still, I’m not really sure that Trump himself write the above, as the words sad, horrible or disgusting are nowhere to be seen.
So basically, you have a solid black card with with TRUMP emblazoned across the top, followed underneath with:
Make America Great Again
And yes, it’s the very same card that Comrade Trump was offering last year, only in 2016 his pitch went like this:
“[First name here], we need you on the Trump Team.
“And in order to show you how much your support means to me, I am sending you an exclusive, non-transferable, invitation-only opportunity to receive a limited edition Trump Black Card. Who will be carrying this card? Only those who want to make a strong statement in this election.
“It's a statement that says you'll be standing WITH ME this final month of the campaign, AGAINST the onslaught of Crooked Hillary's negative ads, and AGAINST the failed Obama policies of the past.
“You'll be on a team that will be sending a message to Crooked Hillary to watch out, that we're coming for her.
“So [First name here], I need you to make it your top priority right now to accept this exclusive invitation . . .”
It went on to say:
“The liberal media has been the #1 cheerleader for Crooked Hillary, so I've never counted on them to be fair and cover my visions to improve our great country. It's why this entire year I've taken my message directly to the American people.
“This final stretch to Election Day, I want to be able to count on you to stand with me, against the liberal media, and against the millions of dollars these backroom Super PACs are spending in negative ads against me.
“It's why I hope you'll accept this exclusive invitation today.”
Yes, I know, you are remembering the ill-fated “Rambo Silver Dollars” of the late 1980s - which I can find no mention of today on the Infernal Internet - and may well be figuring that having a a “Limited Edition” Trump Black Card will not get you anywhere at all, but surely a Trump golf course, somewhere in the world, might be prevailed upon to give you a small discount, if only in the gift shop?
Perhaps Motel 6 will offer Trump Black Card discounts?
At any rate, your friends and neighbors will all be impressed, as you casually flick your wallet open, and your Trump Black Card is exposed.
“Limited Edition,” you can say to them with a knowing smile. And sit back in your lawn chair, cradling your Budweiser, secure in the knowledge that you have helped make America just a little greater, with your donation to the Trump campaign.
These words of whimsy were aided considerably by Stephen Endelman’s soundtrack to “The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain.”
My output has been not what it should be of late, but those close to me understand why, and I appreciate their kind words.
Very soon I hope to be writing on a more consistent basis.
Quote of the Day
There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them. - Ray Bradbury