There are those who completely ignore local news of any type (I haven’t owned a TV since 1987! I haven’t read the local rag in years, I say, years!) but if you really want to know about your community - and want to avoid looking some sort of terminally pretentious prig - you simply have to pay attention to the news, be it print or TV news.
Like grocery shopping, it is impossible to get all your news in one place, which is why, at least a few times week, I submit myself to the Grins, Giggles and Guffaws of local news anchors. I have often wished that television news could be more like a newspaper. But with the way our culture seems to be going, the opposite may well come true one day, that print journalists may be forced to deliver news with the same inane cliches with which TV news is delivered.
Because I have made an in-depth study of the subject - meaning I watch a different station every time I watch the news - I now present a sort of “Primer” for those who may have to make the Grand Leap one day.
We have a heartwarming story for you today about a Kangaroo who saved a party of Boy Scouts from beaten eaten alive by dingoes . . .
From Berlin, in a story which will take your breath away, comes a story about a janitor discovering Adolph Hitler’s diary. Handwriting analysts on Facebook have sworn that yes, indeed, this may be the diary of . . .
Today’s weather forecast - found on pages one, three, five and seven.
The family is devastated by the loss of their baseball card collection. Our prayers are with them
The Apple iphone/razor/DVD cleaner will be on sale later this summer. What a great product!
The prize amount for this year’s Super Colossal Lottery will be 56 million dollars. All of us here at the paper already have our lottery tickets!
The pipeline crushed a family of three when it hit the ground. Sad story, Sad, sad story.
Out of Knob Noster, Missouri, there is a report of a hilarious YouTube video of a cat chasing a dog with a switchblade . . .
Quote of the Day
“God has appointed two kinds of government in the world, which are distinct in their nature, and ought never to be confounded together; one of which is called civil, the other ecclesiastical government.” - Founding Father Isaac Backus, An Appeal to the Public for Religious Liberty, 1773