Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton gets tough with European “rogue nations” | Street Jazz

Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton gets tough with European “rogue nations”

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Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton, against the advice of most of his colleagues, has stretched both his literary and political muscle this past weekend, by drafting letters to the Duchy of Grandwick, and Latveria, warning them against signing any treaties with the Obama administration.

To save time, Senator Cotton emailed the same letter to both governments.

“To whom it may concern,

Recently my staff has made me aware of your past acts of aggression against both the United States and other civilized nations. I have also been advised by folks who claim to be with the State Department that your governments may be negotiating treaties with the Obama administration.

“Please be advised that only five percent of the American people actually think that our president may be an American citizen, and so any treaty that he signs might ultimately be overturned in some sort of court of law.

“At any rate, he won’t be president much longer, and since the Republicans in the United States retook Congress after an election in which not openly most Americans voted - or so I have been assured - but most declared their intention to vote for a Republican in 2016, 2020, 2024, and years that come afer that, except for leap years, which are not counted.

“I feel it is important to warn you that any attempt to gain political advantage, or to build super-weapons of the type I have spent the weekend researching - such as more Doombots or refinements to the Q Bomb - will not be looked kindly upon by the U.S. Congress. In fact, the next president may well order unilateral action to prevent any such weapons development.

“If you take my advice, you will stand down, and just stonewall over the next several years, until a Republican president takes over.

“On a more pleasant note, after the current unpleasant situation has been resolved, I look forward to visiting your lovely countries, and especially perhaps taking a climbing trip over Latveria’s Mount Sorcista, and drinking some fine Grand Fenwickian wine, purchasing a wool hat, and comparing the family values of your nations with ours.

Best wishes, and, as ever, Hail Hydra,
Tom Cotton
United States Senator - Arkansas

P.S. Could you send me a T-Shirt from your best football team? Not soccer, though. Only two percent of Americans have ever heard of soccer.

******

Content warning!

Yes, this is satire, for those who take things too literally.

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Quote of the Day - this one is for Tom Cotton and Friends in Congress

When you are saying something which doesn’t seem to mean much, you must say it with a great deal of authority. - Virgil Thompson

rsdrake@cox.net

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