Tough Guys Don’t Dance: The GOP debates jump the shark | Street Jazz

Tough Guys Don’t Dance: The GOP debates jump the shark



There is inevitably that sad moment when you watch your favorite TV series and realize that the creative spark has gone, and that the show needs to wrap things up as quickly as possible, before they start doing the musical episodes.

The magic died for me last night with the 20th GOP presidential debate (where they all sat around like guests on an afternoon talk show) on CNN with ineffectual moderator John King, who let the GOPsters answer the questions they heard in their minds, rather than the ones that were actually asked.

At one point, Romney said to King, “You ask the questions you want; I give the answers I want.” The audience, of course, loved this response. I mean, who goes to a debate to actually hear answers to questions?

The question was the last of the night, in which candidates were asked to address the biggest misconception the public might have about them. The ever-robotic Romney, when invited to go off script, refused to respond, instead, throwing lines from his bag of cliches about - yeah, you’ve heard it all before.

The “I’m too cool to answer your silly question” thing actually goes back to Sarah Palin, she who couldn’t even answer a question as simple as what she reads every day. When in doubt, throw out a cliche - the crowd will eat it up.

I can’t take leave of Comrade Romney, however, without mentioning his hypothetical response to an auto worker in Michigan who might have doubts about his stance on the auto bailout. In his desperate need to please the crowd, Romney seemed totally oblivious to the fact that he pretty much spit in the face of every auto worker in the state.

Perhaps one day someone on his staff will point out to him that UAW stands for United Auto Workers, and that workers still have the right to vote in this country.

Oh, Rick Santorum!

The man who would return America to the days of yore mostly had to trip over his own words while explaining his past votes in Congress. Did no one on his team prepare him for this eventuality?

Santorum, like so many before him, made the link between contraceptives and teen pregnancy. If I understand this correctly, the very fact that there are contraceptives out there makes people have sex. But then again, Salacious Reader, wouldn’t the availability of birth control mean that we might have fewer abortions and unwanted pregnancies?

Not in Santorum World.

It’s abstinence only - with their dismal failure records - or nothing.

And then when it came to the candidates describing themselves with just one word, Santorum once again used the word “courage,” as if completely unaware that there are human beings on the planet displaying far more courage than he has shown in his political life.

I’m not a Libertarian - though I was once, for three months in the early 1990s - but Ron Paul made several common sense remarks last night that the crowd simply did not want to hear, especially when it came to the possibility of war with Iran.

And then there was Newt, the man who looked upon Romney and Santorum sparring with an awful smile, as though thinking he was going to eat the loser after the debate.


Newt Gingrich, of course, played the Outrage Card when birth control was mentioned. Sort of like when David Banner would hulk-out on The Incredible Hulk, Newt knows why we watch him; he is there to feign moral outage and get the crowd’s juices flowing.

As ever, when conservative men get together to talk about the tender subject of birth control, the word “woman” somehow never makes it into the conversation.

Freedom! Liberty!

That’s pretty much all you need to know about that subject. Oh, religious freedom, too. But women?

Naturally, we were all treated to a Saturday afternoon movie matinee version of politics, in which three-quarters of the candidates wanted to go to war with Iran yesterday. And Syria, hey, if we start helping the rebels, that would send a very clear message to Iran.

Yeah, I’ll just bet it would.

Well, I’m burned out. Unless the next installment is a musical I’m not going back for more.


The GOP must really love CNN

Honestly, the moderators at CNN are just so easy to push around. I feel like going over there and taking John King’s (and Anderson Cooper’s) lunch money.


Quote of the Day

Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know. - Daniel J. Boorstin

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