Hardee’s Thickburger and the free market | Street Jazz

Hardee’s Thickburger and the free market

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I got a flyer in the mail this weekend touting Hardee’s new creation, the Turkey Burger.

“Our Turkey Burgers don’t taste healthy.

The under 500-calorie Charbroiled Turkey Burger.”

Wow. This is great, an ad appealing to the inner child in me, the one who doesn’t like to eat bread crusts, or green beans. A burger for me! Because who wants food that, you know, tastes healthy?

I began to look suspiciously at my wife, who has claimed to be making food that is not only tasty but good for you. Why couldn’t she make one of these Turkey Burgers, the site of which made me grip the flyer a little too closely.

Well, she could, I guess, if she just opened up the salt shaker and upended it into the skillet while she was charbroiling (just writing that word makes my testosterone dance) my Turkey Burger.

On average, it seems, the tasty treats deliver around 1010 mg of sodium, when, according the food fascists at the federal government, the recommended daily allowance of sodium for adults should be no more than 2,300. If you have high blood pressure, or happen to be older, the number is even lower.

And you thought folks at Hardee’s let fly with the salt shaker just because they were bored? No, Querulous Reader, it seems that every Hardee’s restaurant across this fine land of ours offers us our very own salt lick with every meal.

Yes, I know what a salt lick is; just go with me on this.

There is an excellent website that you can check out if you want to read more:

http://www.takepart.com/article/2011/03/24/taste-one-team-carls-jrs-healthy-turkey-burgers

Still, I suppose it is an improvement over the Thickburger, which comes in at 1,320 calories.

I will admit that a couple of times a month I do stop in and order one of Hardee’s Frisco Burgers (hold the fries) and a large cup of coffee, that being the only thing on their menu I can stand. And really, I like them. A lot.

Sort of like how the old joke goes:

I told you all that to tell you this.

I stopped in some time back and ordered my drug of choice, and the manager inquired if I wanted an upgrade, say, to one of their Thickburgers?

“No thanks,” I said. “I don’t want to look like one of those big fat guys on the commercials.” And they are fat, too, aren’t they? Not big-boned or heavily muscled, but guys who are literally counting the hours until they can get off work to head to the nearest buffet.

In their case, the Thickburger serves as a sort of tranquilizer, soothing their nerves until they get to the serious business of eating.

The manager looked offended - I guess no one had ever responded the way I had, and said, “It’s the free market in action,’ as if that explained everything there was to know about everything.

I just smiled and said nothing in return.

Well, all things considered, I think I might just skip the John Galt-inspired Thickburgers, and stick with my Frisco Burger every two or three weeks.

******

Can we at least SuperSize our conversation about this stuff?

There is a film about the fast-food industry, SuperSize Me, which tells the story of documentary film-maker Morgan Spurlock’s 30-day odyssey into fast-food hell, and the industry itself. There are many who refuse to discuss the film at all, sniffing loudly, “Well, you aren’t supposed to eat three meals a day at a fast-food place,” as if by saying so they can pretend that there are no other issues at stake other than the fact that Spurlock ate every meal at the fast-food monster.

*****
Kim Kardashian: One less thing I have to worry about this year

Checking Google News Monday morning I saw this:

How Kim Kardashian Is Moving On in 2012

Well, who can resist reading about the Kardashians?

The piece, from People magazine, was titled:

Kim Kardashian: I'm Never Looking Back

Gee, that’s nice. In truth, I sort of suspect that the entire Kardashian family would dismiss out-out-hand the words of that grumpy old philosopher, Socrates, when he wrote that, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

And that’s why members of that creepy little family keep making tabloid headlines.

****

Quote of the Day

Books are becoming everything to me. If I had at this moment any choice of life, I would bury myself in one of those immense libraries . . . and never pass a waking hour without a book before me. - Thomas B. Macauley

rsdrake@cox.net

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