Eggnog Chronicles: Hiland Dairy may have a different definition of “Lite” than most people | Street Jazz

Eggnog Chronicles: Hiland Dairy may have a different definition of “Lite” than most people

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So I was visiting Harp’s today, laying in victuals for the harsh winter to come (in my fevered dreams) and I spied a container of Hiland Dairy’s “Lite” Eggnog in the dairy section.

Now, I lost my taste for eggnog some time back, along with my taste for fruitcake (though I still buy one every year - why do they taste worse every year?) but I was sort of carious as to how “Lite” it might actually be.

Well, in terms of total fat, it has 2.5 grams, where regular nog has 8 grams. So far, so lite.

The saturated fat is 1.5 grams, where regular nog has five. Both have zero trans fats.

You’ve got me so far.

Cholesterol is 55mg for regular, 35mg for Lite.

Total carbohydrate level for regular is 22g, while for Lite it is . . . 22g.

Okay, what?

Sugars for regular is 21g and, you may have guessed where I am going with this - 21g. For “Lite.”

While I appreciate the total fat and the trans fats being lower, one might reasonably expect that carbs and sugars might also be on the list for lowering at a dairy - especially if you have a "Lite" offering.

Or maybe they just mean it is best drunk in the daylight hours . . .

******

What if you don’t holler and scream like you are brain-damaged at a daytime talk show?

In another room the TV is playing one of those dreadful afternoon “talk” shows (that neither one of us is watching) where audiences cheer and leap to their feet and scream like God’s creatures about to be led to the slaughter every five minutes.

What if someone in the audience doesn’t follow the script? What if they just applaud politely, and not go berserk like every guest is Elvis Presley? What if they really aren’t all that enthusiastic about the CDs left under their chairs are by artists they really don’t care all that much for - which they will probably regift at the earliest opportunity?

Do grim-faced security guards escort them out, and they are forever blacklisted from being in the audience of any TV talk show in the future?

*****

Quote of the Day

I have met in my life two persons, a man, the other a woman, who convinced me that they were persons of sanctity. Utterly different in character, upbringing and interests as they were, their effect on me was the same. In their presence I felt myself to be ten times as nice, ten times as intelligent, ten times as good-looking as I really am. - W.H. Auden

rsdrake@cox.net

From the ArkTimes store

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