by Robert Bell
5:30 p.m. Oaklawn. Free.
OK, so technically this celebration doesn't officially fall on the actual Independence Day. That'd be the fourth.
But to complain about extending Our Nation's Most Important Holiday (other than Christmas — you'll always be No. 1, JC!) you'd have to really be some kind of freedom-hatin', coconut-water-drinkin', local-food-eatin', Bikram-yoga-practicin', Agenda 21-supportin', fact-believin', black-helicopter-denyin', 30-round-magazine outlawin', totally-unfair-IRS-scrutiny-approvin', fluoridation-favorin', Pledge-of-Allegiance-not-sayin', Max-Brantley-readin' liberal.
There, I said it. If you take issue with a Fourth of July celebration taking place on the Third of July, you hate America. And the only way you can prove otherwise is to get on over to Oaklawn's Spa Blast and be up front at the Lee Greenwood concert, singing along to every word of "God Bless the U.S.A." while the fireworks are bursting overhead and the Lord Almighty Himself is looking down on it all and nodding his head in approval.