by Robert Bell
SCIENCE AFTER DARK: ‘IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD’
6 p.m. Museum of Discovery. $5, free for members.
Man, I was all geared up for the world to end on Dec. 21.
I’d packed my bug-out bag (a nice waterproof model in olive drab, with concealable reflective strips and 47 pockets). I’d converted all my liquid assets to gold bullion. I’d picked out my post-apocalypse nickname (“Col. Skull-Rager”) and signature weapon (spike-covered aluminum flyswatter) and haircut (Octo-hawk, with each Mohawk beginning and ending in a braided rattail).
But I got my heart broken by those lyin’ Mayans and their wrong ancient predictions. It was Y2K all over again when the lights failed to go out and the system didn’t collapse and humanity wasn’t immediately reduced to a vicious, dog-eat-dog existence in which everyone has to barter and make their own clothing out of animal skins and stuff. Drag.
But there’s still hope! The world’s gotta end someday, and the Museum of Discovery’s Science After Dark is back this month to illustrate all the ways that could happen. I’m hoping for a giant solar flare, personally. There’ll be a cash bar at this 21-and-older event, so if the thought of a massive coronal ejection of charged particles destroying the electrical grid for the entire world makes you nervous, you can order a calming, restorative cocktail or glass of wine.