by Robert Bell
LITTLE ROCK TOUCHDOWN CLUB: JOHN L. SMITH
11 a.m. Embassy Suites. $10-$25.
We've all heard the phrase "throw in the towel" before. But have you ever actually heard someone throw in the towel? Do you want to know what it sounds like? The towel, heavy with the sweat of an exasperated, exhausted fanbase, lands with a barely audible "whump," a sound similar to the soft thud of the ashes of a million dreams being dumped onto a cold, hard floor.
Seriously, if he didn't know what to say after the absolute flattening that was the Alabama game, what's he going to say here? I don't have a crystal ball to consult, but I'll go out on a limb and say that if the Hogs don't beat Rutgers on Saturday, he might just want to show up with an actual towel to throw in, which would communicate far more than we've heard from him thus far.
UPDATE: Uh, yeah. Let's see, since this original item went to press last week, John L. Smith has been hammered for his advocacy of smiling, we've learned that he has debts of $25.7 million and that his younger brother died last week, with Smith attending the funeral in Idaho on Wednesday and being back in Fayetteville that same evening.
Man. Now I feel like kind of a jerk for being all mad at him. Sure, it's disappointing that the Hogs are floundering. And it seems plausible that they could go 1-11 or 2-10 for the season and be in the rebuilding wilderness for the next couple-three years, even if Jeff Long knocks it out of the park with a great HC hire. But it's just football.