by Robert Bell
PAT BOONE IN "A HOLIDAY CELEBRATION"
2 p.m. UCA. $23-$40.
Pat Boone, 77, got his start in the music business, singing innocuous, neutered approximations of R&B hits originally recorded by black artists.
He's still singing, but in recent decades, he's also taken up extreme right-wing punditry. Yes, Boone has served selflessly as an unwavering voice for the traditional values our nation was built upon, crying out against the lunacy of liberalism, the folly of feminism and the unrelenting homosexual cabal that is threatening the very fabric of our nation (in all seriousness, check out some of the hate-filled, certifiably loony rants Boone has penned for wing-nut mainstay World Net Daily; he actually compared liberals to "black filthy" cancer cells).
But here's another thing: Boone is also an expert on economics. That's right, for the last few years he has been hawking for gold merchants Swiss America Trading Corp., letting us know about the secret, nefarious plot hatched by Barack Obama (who, according to Boone, is a Kenyan-born Muslim America-hater) and Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke to devalue the dollar to the point of worthlessness, leaving (precious, precious) gold as "the only trustworthy currency on Earth."
Wow, thank goodness for guys like Boone and Glenn Beck who are doing everyone a solid by encouraging them to buy gold. I'm sure they just have everyone's best interests at heart, right? It's not like gold prices ever soared during a recession only to come crashing back to earth years later, right?