by Robert Bell
If you're reading this, though, chances are that you are of the species Homo sapiens and therefore can safely consume moderate quantities of beer and hot dogs. But please, be discreet. Don't flaunt your beer-drinking, hotdog-eating privileges in front of those unfortunate lower beasts, whose glassy eyes still manage to convey the inner sadness over their realization that they will never even fully comprehend what vistas of delicious ecstasy lie just beyond the grasp of their beaks and claws and paws and maws.
Perhaps the blues music of The Shannon Boshears Band will provide a sonic palliative for the tragically beer-less, hotdog-less creatures. Just kidding, animals don't really want to eat hot dogs and drink beer.