by John Tarpley
Nope: Luke's not going to be here. He's busy running for mayor of Miami on a "tax strippers" platform — a stance that would be the stupidest economic plan in America if it weren't for Paul Ryan. In fact, just to spare you the disappointment, the bulk of the "Nasty As They Wanna Be" lineup won't be getting nasty on Saturday, either. But Fresh Kid Ice and Brother Marquis, the two emcees keeping 2 Live Crew alive, will take a break from being the house band for the traveling, adults-only Exxxocita convention to swing to the River Market.
All right, let's cut to the chase. 2 Live Crew in 2011 is like rap's answer to Lynyrd Skynyrd in 2011: Yeah, they were great once, but only a tangential fraction of the original crew is touring under the name anymore and it's hard to make a case that they're not half-stepping for the money. Also, when the two-man 2 Live Crew is hitting the stage, Bobby Rush, that be-all, end-all, hump-all master of dirty ass-shakers, will be yards away at the Riverfest Amphitheatre, almost certainly doing it better and with a lot more energy.
That said, this show is going to sell out and, hell, it's going to be a lot of fun regardless of who's down the sidewalk.