LIFE SIZE PIZZA
9 p.m., White Water Tavern. $5.
If you just heard the sound of breaking glass, that'd be me, blasting my impartiality out the window. For months now, I've been evangelical — into this keyboard and to friends — about Life Size Pizza. It's my single favorite local band and one of the most divisive acts this town's ever bickered about. Either you love the fellas' goofy, drunken stabs at that weird space between hyper slack-rock and hedonistic garage or — hopefully not — you're the type that'll shrug off to the other room with the rest of the joyless, tin-hearted, arm-crossing bums who don't deserve rock 'n' roll. Yeah, they jack riffs from B-52s' "Rock Lobster" ("Rock and Roll") and The White Stripes' "Hello Operator," ("Eddie's Song"), yeah, they're usually sloppier than not and sure, sometimes it gets downright impossible to hear lead singer/drummer Jack to the Future mumble into his mic. That may not be everyone's bag, but those into LSP's forbears from K Records or their local uncles-in-spirit, The Rockin' Guys, know this band's the real deal. No other act is going to sing an ode to Jesus with lines like "fuck you, hippie, he's pure of heart/and he's good at Quiz Bowl 'cause he's really, really smart/He's Jesus/He's our man." And now, after months of gigging, the guys finally release their debut, "Queer Ideas." It's an addictively repeatable ramble, crammed with engaging, dynamic tracks about love, banjos, blue laws and being on the lam as seen through a hilarious, totally Southern lens a la Charles Portis. And it's a ridiculous affair; I love the hell out of their unassuming brilliance and hope you do, too. The raucous drum and bass duo Androids of Ex-Lovers open alongside the proto-garage outfit, Frown Pow'r.