Tedium, thy name is the first two episodes of this season of "True Blood." Sure, some things have happened. Vampire Bill gets kidnapped by vampire-blood-addled werewolves, who we learn in episode two are under the charge of the vampire king of Mississippi, who rides a white horse and has his own piano recital theme music. Eric, when not flashing back to WWII, where he and Godric posed as SS officers and killed a naked lady werewolf, pushes up on Sookie in the latest portent of the inevitable fang bang to come. Sam visits Arkansas, where he enjoys some brotherly hazing from his shifter sibling, who tries to make Sam roadkill. Jessica and Pam (above) share a nice moment, when Jessica asks for advice on feeding without killing and Pam offers that she always thinks of "crying children with saggy diapers" and "maggots." And a vampire with a British accent, breaks into casa de Compton, rifles through an incriminating "Sookie" drawer, absconds with the trucker Jessica's killed and helps Tara beat up racist rednecks who you might recognize from "Justified."
Well and good all. But as has often been the case with "True Blood," this stuff of crackling soap mystery is served with too many attempts at real pathos that, at their best, transcend into comedy. See Jessica's would-be boyfriend Hoyt, who tries to sell Jessica on a relationship based on fighting their "natures," where Jessica would fight her urge to bite people and drink their blood and Hoyt would fight his urge to be a momma's boy. Or Sookie, amidst endless worrying over Bill, offering a spot-on impression of Vampire Bill saying, "SUUH-kie!" But mostly, it's Tara falling apart (again), Tara's mom falling apart (again), Jessica crying tears of blood, Jason sulking stupidly and teary family reunions with Sam and his birth parents. All of which belong on a mystery soap on TNT.
Let's get on with it. More vampire v. werewolf tussles. More vampire politics. More sex. More Jessica (on second, thought, she can cry more tears of blood; she's a vampire teen grappling with changes!). More of the "What Sookie is" reveal, though, so-help-me if she is The One Who Can Fix Everything in the Supernatural World I'm out.