Televisionist: World Cup | Rock Candy

Televisionist: World Cup

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Drogba.
  • Drogba.
WORLD CUP
ESPN and ABC, daily 6 a.m.-3 p.m.-ish.

I know little about soccer, but love watching. Even with the vuvuzelas, the tiny plastic horns that seemingly everyone in the stadium blows that sound like a giant swarm of bees, I find it super lulling, exactly the kind of respite from the summer heat I often look for my TV to provide. And, of course, occasionally, it’s the most exciting thing ever. But since I’m mostly ignorant, I called the Times world sports correspondent, Stephen “The Finger” Boyd, a man so wrapped up in soccer he has a fantasy team in Italian league soccer, for what-to-watch tidbits. Here’s what I got: The best match on Thursday should be Greece vs. Nigeria (9 a.m.). The Nigerians have a defender named Danny Shittu, a name that, when pronounced by a British commentator, should definitely be sampled by some enterprising, juvenile-minded DJ. Friday, the big game is obviously USA vs. Slovenia (9 a.m.). Because Slovenia beat Algeria in game one, the Central European country is atop the group, so it will be looking to defend and play the USA to a nil-nil draw, while the US, in rare form, will be constantly moving forward trying to score as much as possible. Considering that England is likely to beat Algeria and Slovenia, the U.S. really needs to win this game, ideally by a large margin. Saturday, Finger says Netherlands vs. Japan (6:30 a.m.) is the game to watch and suggests that we keep an eye on Dirk Kuyt, of the Netherlands, who he says looks like “surfer Quasimodo.” Sunday, in the so-called Group of Death, powerhouse Brazil takes on Ivory Coast, who our man thinks is Africa’s one shot at glory in the World Cup. The team features bad haircuts and the world’s best goal scorer Didier Drogba, who’ll play despite breaking his arm last week.

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