by John Tarpley
Looks like Doron Ofir Casting, the reality show agency who wrangled up characters for "Survivor," "Wife Swap," "Tool Academy" and the single most important cultural landmark of this century, "Jersey Shore" is out to find an few good Southern Snookies and redneck Ronnies for a hillbilly twist on the MTV sensation.
Tentatively titled "Party Down South," the press release says they're looking for "the hottest and proudest Southerners...who can prove that the party down South will rise again!"
The casting company plans to take a casting RV through eight states—including Arkansas—to find a whole mess of yokels attractive enough to gawk at and just dumb enough not to realize that they'll be mocked for an entire summer.
As a "Jersey Shore" scholar, I can't wait. And I'm sending the application to a couple of my good friends right now...Bud.
See my predictions, episode by episode, of how the first season will turn out. After the jump.
Series Debut: Landra makes a bad first impression on her housemates when she gets caught, black-lipped and full mouthed, stealing an entire sleeve of Copenhagen from her roommate, Tanya.
Episode Two: Ashamed, Landra tells everyone she's leaving the house. Everyone tries to figure out how Waylon managed to nail both of his hands to the wall.
Episode Three: The housemates find themselves becoming fond of Landra. They take her out to party at the V.F.W., but the night takes a turn for the worse when Dyson barfs on her new Dixie Outfitters shirt after defending his title in the bar's annual Warm Busch Light Chuggin' Match.
Episode Four: Travis and Dyson nab truck bed full of admiring girls after the heartthrobs show off their turkey calling skills. The roommates worry about Waylon after he eats an entire bag of deer lick in one night.
Episode Five: Dyson gets into a fight with an older river rat. A bug stays on Waylon's head for two hours.
Episode Six: After much introspection, Travis comes out to his housemates as a Democrat. Dyson decides it's time to start exercising, but he comes back on the brink of hospitalization after riding his four-wheeler ten miles.
Episode Seven: Dyson is outraged when his crush, Landra, hooks up with his best friend in the house, Travis. Waylon gets his (awesome) ponytail stuck in the Camaro door.
Season Finale: Live Skoal eating contest.