In honor of tonight's "Dwight David Honeycutt's Sweet Tea Party," which we preview here
, we countdown the one time Conway school board candidate's wisest words. They get lewder after the jump.
Also, for a good time, check out Carol Deets-Honeycutt's page
. No word on how she's related, but her profile pic includes a lapdog and a twinkie and she posts things like "Carol Deets-Honeycutt cant ever remember which is Mickey Rourke and which is Mickey Rooney" and "Carol Deets-Honeycutt is trying to find a shade of lipstick to match my port wine stain. HELP!!!"
UPDATE: DDH tells me it's gonna be a punctual affair. Doors open at 8 p.m. and Frown Pow'r kicks the night off right at 9 p.m. DDH's speech follows not too long after.
1. "When it comes to the Paper Moon, you go for the strippers, but you stay for the brisket."
2. "UNIVERSAL health care? Idiot goddamn Democrats. We only need it on EARTH, thanks."
3. "Dwight David Honeycutt sees Kay Bailey Hutchinson's mouth moving, but all he can think about are them tit-tays. Who's with me?"
4. "Dwight David Honeycutt thinks Sarah Palin is the kind of change I could conceive in."
5. Laura Black "were there any mitigating factors contributing to your make out session with a dude? do you think this alienated you from the rigidly heterosexual Conway community, who comprise a large portion of voters?"
Dwight David Honeycutt: "I don't know what 'mitigating' is, but if it has anything to do with a half-dozen bong-hits of Afghani chased with a pint of Hiram Walker Blackberry Brandy, then yes, it was 'mitigating' as fuck. As for the voters, fuck the voters, I'm speaking straight to the PEOPLE!"
6. Matt Barnette: "Honeycutt, I heard that when you go to IHOP, that you always get the Rooty, Tooty, Fresh and Fruity, but refuse to say it. Instead you just point at the menu and go 'That shit.'
Dwight David Honeycutt: "Confirm. I'm primarily a Denny's man, though, and I do say "Moons Over My Hammy" while standing on my chair and cupping my buttcheeks."