First question- Have you been to Jason’s Deli lately? They have the best salad bar on Earth. Did you know that you can get the salad bar to go? For $6.99 they give you a huge plastic to-go box, a soup cup, and a 4 oz. dressing container. This has been my dirty little secret for a few years now, but when I go there, I cram as much food as I possibly can into these three containers. It feeds me for days! They have tuna pasta salad, potato salad, three bean salad, kalamata olives, roasted red pepper hummus, feta, organic flat-leaf spinach, and the thickest ranch dressing I’ve ever seen. The last time I brought a salad home I weighed it on our kitchen scale. It was over 5 freakin pounds of food.
Second question- Have you been to Kroger lately? 8 oz. of hummus is $4. A pound of potato salad is $5. Spinach is $4 a bag. And Feta is $3.50 for 4 oz. I can’t afford that stuff! BUT-I can fit all that stuff in my Jason’s Deli to-go box. You see what I’m getting at? Theoretically, if you were say, an olive junkie, as I am, you could go to Jason’s and fill the whole container with olives! Even the soup and dressing cups. There’s no rules, dude!
The to-go box holds 96 oz. if filled to capacity (to figure this out, I did an experiment where I filled the box with water, then carefully poured it out into measuring cups). And then you have a 12 oz. soup cup and a 4 oz. dressing cup, which adds up to a total of 112 oz. So how much does 112 oz. of kalamata olives cost? Well, a 10 oz. jar at Kroger is $4.39. So, if you did fill all your to-go containers with kalamatas, you’d end up with around $50 worth of olives. Or what if you filled it up with Feta? 112 oz. of Feta cheese is worth $98!
Of course, these are extreme scenarios. I don’t need seven pounds of cheese. But if I ever do, now I know where to get it. So let’s get creative. Say you’re going to a potluck and you are in charge of bringing the dip. Go to Jason’s and get 112 oz. of hummus! It’s there for the taking! And if there’s not enough hummus there to fill your box, go tell the manager the salad bar needs re-stocking.
So, now I know you’re going to go and try this. And here’s where the life lesson comes in. Are you going to feel embarrassed standing there at the salad bar, hoarding olives and cheese into this flimsy transparent box? What will the other patrons think of you? What will the cashier think when you hand her this massive pilferage to be bagged up. They might think you’re a homeless person with a very refined palate. Is that a bad thing? This is the moment where you decide what you’re made of. I say- be a man. March up to that salad bar and make it your bitch. Take what you want and leave the rest. Cuz they’ve got plenty more in the kitchen. It’s the fastest-growing casual restaurant chain in America (according to the August 2008 issue of QSR Magazine). They can afford it.