by Mr. Ricky
Okay, people, seriously, how do you expect to get a job? Seriously? The following should never happen when you are trying to get a job, yet I've seen all of them this week:
1. "Do you have a pen?" - You are going somewhere to fill out an application, take a pen, that's step one. I can't get over it, every time I'm like, "Why didn't you bring a pen, you knew you were coming to fill out an application?"
2. "Dress not to unimpress" - If you are applying for a job, any job, unless it has to do with being in someone's "posse" or "entourage" do not wear any of the following: fake diamond "$" chain that scratches the desk then you lean over it; and type of "grill" real or not and don't take said grill out of your mouth and put it ON MY DESK while you fill out your application; baggy pants that show off you underwear... in the front. Baggy pants are cliché and tired and ridiculous, but when they ride so low the from of your Fruit of the Looms are showing when you walk in, rethink the use of a belt; any hat, whatsoever, unless its a hard hat and you are wanting to work construction, sunglasses in doors; 'a rifle bag' even if it doesn't have a rifle in it - it's disconcerting; any high heel shoe you aren't comfortable in. Taking your shoes off in the office when you are applying because your hammertoes hurt is not the best foot forward.
3. "Can I borrow your phonebook?" - what? You don't have your employment history contacts and references already written down? Why are you even wasting my time, take the application and bring it back. Pretty soon we won't even have phone books to do that with... OH! And don't call someone and have a conversation in front of me trying to figure out what the number of that "one place I worked before I got fired is". Again, not helping your chances.
4. "Know who you are looking for" - If one more person comes in and asks for, "that white lady that does the jobs", "The one woman," "That dude," "You know who I'm talking about?” or any other derivative I'm going to walk out. If you don't know who you are suppose to talk to say that, say, "I'm here to interview for such and such, may I see the supervisor." Don't guess at the name, don't ask me if I know who you are looking for and don't get mad when I don't and or that person is busy and can't see you because you didn't bother to call ahead for an appointment.
5. "Money" - do not ask me how much the job starts off at or how much I make doing something you won't be doing or if you can have my job. 1. Yes, you can, and you can shove it. 2. You wouldn't last 30 minutes. 3. You don't say that when you are applying for a job! That's a question you bring up in the interview...sigh.
6. "Sitting" - this was a first, in a lobby with four chairs, why, oh why, would you choose to sit on my filing cabinet while you looked through the phone book? Why? And leave a dent in the top of it, because it's so NOT a seat? Piss off! And on top of that for me to have to say, "excuse me, sir, could you not sit on the filing cabinet, it's for filing only." and then give me a look like, "what? This is just for filing, it's not a very cold, metal, utilitarian, German couch?"
7. "Gross" - if you take an application with you to bring back, don't bring it back with "stains" and "marks" and other marrings of a dubious and organic nature. I had to refuse one the other day that look like it was kept behind a toilet for a couple of weeks in a junior high boys bathroom. I was all like, "Nope. I'm not taking that, you need to fill out a CLEAN one." I can't believe they even picked it up.
8. "Rules of thumb" - don’t smoke while filling out the application in a non-smoking building. Don’t steal my pen. Don’t curse at me for not looking up a number for you because you don't want to "get in that book". Don’t fill out an application if you have a string of felony warrants out for you after they tell you, "We will need a background check from the police department". Don't steal the phone book, the clipboard or any of the plants in the office. Don't hit on me. Don't ask me to check your email or MySpace or face book or whatever! Don't ask to borrow my phone, to call someone for a phone number of your last employer. And don't fill in an employment gap of over a year with any of the following: "Chillin", "Welfarin", "Rappin", "Nothin", "No Jobs in town" and my favorite, "N/a", because your job history is non-applicable... I don't expect suits and ties and resumes on fancy paper, I just expect you use some common sense and act like you want the job, that's all. Oh great, another "applicant", more later, MR.