by Max Brantley
New York Times columnist Timothy Egan envisions a morning-after-election speech by a winning Mitt Romney. The laundry list of conflicting and mathematically unsustainable promises would be funny if ....
You've promised to accomplish 15 different tasks on Day 1; let's sort them by priority. The Affordable Care Act is gone, even though you need Congress to act (a mere formality, by Ryan's assurance). All you 20-somethings on your parents' health plans, all you sickly types with pre-existing conditions that you expect the insurance companies to cover, no more Obamacare for you. The ride is over, even if it means leaving 72 million Americans without health insurance, as the Commonwealth Fund, a New York-based research foundation, calculated. Legacy, baby.
"You can kiss the American automotive industry goodbye." So you said, back in the early days of the one-termer you just defeated, should the car companies be rescued by the government. Something was miscalculated there. Let's pull all federal aid and try it again - the Bain way.
Latinos nearly cost you the election, especially in Florida, Colorado and Nevada. Well, those Mexicans, or whatever they are, can start self-deporting. It worked for your grandfather when he hightailed it out of Mexico in the face of official pressure. Just refuse to sign the Dream Act and make things uncomfortable!
On to China, and a trade war. You promised to declare our biggest creditor a currency manipulator on Day 1. Say it loud and clear, brother. But watch for the stock market to crash and the Chinese to retaliate, setting off a domino effect that would rattle a very fragile global economy. Well, heck, they started it.