by Max Brantley
A frequently reliable tipster says the latest report on Heights burglaries includes the theft, in addition to the usual flat screen TV haul, of some $5,000 in pricey wine. (I assume it's pricey wine. Who has room for $5,000 worth of my favorite, three-liter jugs of Carlo Rossi ?)
The report suggests a certain upward mobility among the criminal class, don't you think? Professional status, even.
I envision these guys pecking their wives on the cheek and saying cheerio as they head out to their vans for another day's work.
"Where you working today, honey?"
"Heights, probably. But we've been up there so much lately we may head out to Chenal. I'll give you a ring. Is our wine cellar stocked?"
PS -- A reader says the subject isn't funny to those who've been crime victims. Agreed. And I am not laughing at the victims. But, as a two-time burglary victim who daily observes the rise of professional burglars who work the same neighborhoods over and over again, just like regular jobs, I find a little dark humor is a better coping mechanism than futile rage. I also voted for the jail tax.
OR -- I guess I could turn to one of the advertisers in the Democrat-Gazette's new "Home Security Advertising Feature" on the back cover of the Sunday High Profile section: ADT security, Alarm Works of Arkansas or a seller of stun guns, tasers and pepper sprays.