I AM NORMA BATES AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE | A Damsel in Distress

I AM NORMA BATES AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE

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This Presidential election is all about ME, of course.

 

America (hence the World) is at a crossroads that either threatens my fabulous life or enhances it. Just like this election threatens or enhances YOUR lives: the little people who adore / deplore my storied existence.

 

Still, it’s all about Norma, Hogs.

 

Elections are CHOICES (or used to be before they were shoplifted).

 

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Winona Ryder (Palinesque, no?) is a very very dear, very very old friend of mine, so I totally understand the neurotic syndrome that is theft.


Parlayed to NATIONAL popular and electoral college levels, however, as I told Winie a coupla years ago, “You can’t just bag everything you want at Neiman’s and Saks and walk out without PAYING, sugarplum!” She didn’t listen.

 

Nor did Republicans and look where we are.


Choices = Consequences, Razorbacks. (Matt Jones, credit-card coke-cutting star Razorback, paying attention, hunka?)




Since I was a Brownie, I’ve been taught to always be forthright and truthful and sell those cookies.

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TMI, but that’s how I married and divorced three powerful Christian fundamentalist ministers on my faith journey toward spiritual enlightenment and financial freedom. Ringing random doorbells and, uh, selling my cookies.

 

 

That, plus my inerrant fashion sense which urged me to comply when, as a voluptuously developed sexually uninhibited woman, my husbands encouraged me to dress as a Brownie or Catholic schoolgirl for “playtime.”

 

Fashion, again. ALWAYS fashion.

 

Choice = Consequence. I’ve made careful choices, armed with research and facts rather than parroting second-hand knee-jerk reactions. Thus (modestly) my enviable / reviled glimmering diva-inity.

 

You?

 

The choice is yours unless They (You) keep voting to take it all away like the last eight years. (I actually dated a guy, once, named Bill Wrights.)

 

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As with fashion, so goes politics. So goes American government. Choose to dress like trash, get governed by trash. Vote for plumbers and moose-hunters with shaky educations, shady past records and legally tricky current evasions for President and . . .

 

You’re smart. You catch on.

 

CHOICE = FREEDOM.

 

ANTI-CHOICE = FASCISM.

 


Life at its core, Hogs, really is that simple.

 

Though I LOVE the choices I’ve made in life and their breathtaking consequences, I wish the same freedom of choice for you and all diverse Americans, whatever color and race, whatever religion or not, whatever gender or sexual orientation, whatever economic or educational level.

 

Like Julie Andrews in “The Sound of Music.”

 

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Forget “fashion,” finally.


Though I sleep au natural, even then I dream about Truth, Justice and the American Way for all.

 

But of course, this election is all about me.

 

Who else?

 










I AM NORMA BATES AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE


 

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