by Norma Bates
It’s been so Christmassy these past few weeks I’m pretty much beyond blessed and party-pooped. But there’s another week to go, what with New Year’s.
Yet, given lemons, I make lemonade. And speaking of clichés . . . here are some I overheard on 2008’s Christmas circuit. They MUST be shared, Razorbabies.
“Somebody needs to show Vic Snyder the arrow of his ways.”
“They’re great. Even if they don’t have it they’ll order anything you don’t want.”
“He’s one of those people who speaks out of both sides of his fork.”
“There is no ‘I’ in ‘Assume.’ “
“She wouldn’t hurt a hair on his fly.”
“Oh, Huckabee’s always going off on some tango.”
Now, party conversations with people who can’t get their clichés straight, much less who cite FOX, are pointless.
So I’ve devised a few conversation-stopping clichés of my own (beginning with, “Well . . . “) to render bores speechless before showing them my back and heading toward zippier in-depth chatter at the bar.
So far I've come up with these:
“Well, when the going gets tough the tough go away.”
“Well, never take candy from a baby moth, I always say.”
“Well, like they say, never look in a gilt whore’s mouth.”
And my personal best –
“Well, you should always come with the one you left with.”
But, God help us, there’s a whole NEW YEAR of potentially inane gatherings awaiting in 2010 – thus a need on all our parts for a compendium of more and better “Razorbabies’ Mangled Clichés” to see us through.
Got some good ones, Hogs? We swine could use some pearls.