GROOMING IS NEXT TO GODLINESS | A Damsel in Distress

GROOMING IS NEXT TO GODLINESS

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Durango, Durango. Yours is not the first request I’ve received, as an internationally renowned stylist, to suggest makeover tips for Senator Blanche Lincoln.

 

(I’ve been contacted officially AND privately by staff – Elizabeth, Katie, Brandon, Stan and Meg – and family and friends. At this moment, they’re trying to work out how to bury my fee in “highway improvements” for Phillips County or something.)

 

My heart has always gone out to Blinc, as intimates know her, because it’s all so simple! Yes, first impressions are important. Public appearances are crucial to politicians. But it’s basically a two-pronged approach, and I mean “prong” in a nice way.

 

Grooming and wardrobe. That’s it.

 

Blinc’s wardrobe is fine for an Arkansas politician. Clean, tailored, self-effacing, dull. Yes, she looks better in pastels than in primaries, and washes out in blacks and browns, which she should eschew. But her wardrobe is “timeless” (meaning she could’ve bought it at Penney’s 20 years ago or yesterday at Target). Safe.

 

No, Blinc, your Image Impasse is Grooming. Hair and makeup, specifically.

 

RULE #1: NEVER leave home for ANYWHERE looking like THIS.

 

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Elections and re-elections are all about appearances, Blinc, and you are NOT third seed at the Dinah Shore Palm Springs Golf Classic nor Billie Jean King’s new BFF at the Los Angeles Women’s Tennis Tournament, if you’re keeping up with me here.

 

You’ve beautiful classic bone-structure that could benefit from a simple 5-minute “softening” makeup regimen from your Mary Kay rep (imagine the rural appeal of THAT!) and a lighter more feminine coif.

 

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Yes, the hair’s more feathery yet not so au courant you’re suspected of thinking you’re BETTER than we. It too is “timeless” since it was new 30 years ago and is still fashionably southern in the circles you run in.

 

It’s only a beginning, Blinc. And I know you hate makeup and beauty salons.

 

So let me put it this way: Five minutes a day “The Mary Kay Way” and something other than a Cleveland Browns practice-helmet for a “hairstyle,” your con$tituent$ will keep you in office in perpetuity.

 

You're welcome.

 

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P.S. Your political integrity is entirely up to you.

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