EARTH TO ERNIE . . . | A Damsel in Distress





Ernie Unpronounceable, mon cheri, as an international style consultant I CANNOT let this slide. Now that Arkansas pays $100K more than you made in South Carolina ($320K! Well done, Ernie!), please get dressed.




“My goal is to make sure this lottery is run with the highest degree of integrity, to make sure that this lottery is not injurious to the people of Arkansas.” (Uh, we hadn’t thought it would be, Ern, but thanks for bringing that up, we guess.)


Whipping up lottery frenzy is admirable, but your Powerball helmet and tie reek good ol’ boy desperation. Yes, they’re thematically as one with your lumpy K-Mart schmatta and cute vanity license-plate – PWRBALLZ – but still.


If your idea of integrity is dressing like a pledge-class president organizing a fraternity kegger, or one of the Three Stooges, you need a consultant. You need me.




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