GAYS, GUNS AND GODS (II) – CAN WE TALK? | A Damsel in Distress




No, apparently, we can’t.


We can SHOUT but it’s not the same.


50 years of fast and furious dialogue spanning, “Put ‘em in concentration camps,” to, “Let ‘em get married like everybody else,” is boiling since Iowa’s, Vermont’s and D.C.’s rulings for same-sex marriage recognition. Yet nobody’s actually talking – except to the choir. Most – including the MSM – just parrot partisan scripts. Incessantly.


Are rational adult discussions impossible about this?


Can psychology help? Maybe the easiest gateway is through Transactional Analysis (TA).


Psychiatrist Eric Berne’s concepts, pooh-poohed as pop-psychology when “Games People Play” first published, are now widely accepted in psychotherapy for their clarity and effectiveness.


Each of us, every day, shifts among three ego-states: Parent, Adult, Child (PAC). Adult ego states are always appropriate. Parent or Child ego-states may be appropriate and constructive (GOOD), or inappropriate and destructive (BAD), situationally.




All three ego-states, PAC, live in us all, whatever our chronological age. Watch a young child helpfully “parent” another. Or an adult peer comes to you and says, “Look what I made.” It can be curtains for the kitchen or a Pulitzer Prize winning novel. It’s still their inner creative Child.


Good Child / Bad Child? Good Parent / Bad Parent? Problems arise when Bad Child ego-states manifest in chronological grownups. Tantrums are increasingly less tolerable through, maybe, 20. Childish tantrums in 50 year olds are signs of psychological trouble.


Bad Parent ego-states can express anything from, “You’ll never amount to a hill of beans,” to, “If you ever leave this house again without my permission, so help me God, I will kill you.”


Bad Parent ego-states can exist in 17 year olds or six-year olds with equal potentials for danger . . . just as Bad Child ego-states can dominate 60-year olds  whose destructive gossip, name-calling, backbiting and manipulation LITERALLY remind friends of “junior high.”


Dialogue, or “transactions,” between two or more people can be sustained only between identical or complimentary ego states.


Child  -> Child, for instance. Shared creative play. Constructive brainstorming. Artistic collaboration. Or, in the case of BAD Child  -> BAD Child transactions; “You MADE me!” “Did NOT!” “Did TOO!” “YOU started it!” “Did NOT!” “Did TOO!” Participants may be theoretical adults but that’s how they sound.


Parent  -> Parent. In theory, these transactions can have positive elements concerning, “How do we best care for and raise our children.” PTA and School Board meetings are SUPPOSED to be like this. But Parent  -> Parent transactions are notorious for quickly disintegrating into shouting matches between Bad Parent ego-states.


Reason? Parent ego-states are inherently authoritarian. Parent transactions necessitate another Parent or Child ego-state to complete transactions.


Politics and Religion both inherently appeal to Parent-Child ego states and are fundamentally authoritarian. Those ego-states, in turn, rely on transactions between UN-equals, based on fear and threat fueled by factual ignorance.



In groups like School Boards or Senate Floors, EVERYBODY jumps into their Parent. Rooms full of “authorities” become contests about whose Parent ego-state most dominates and intimidates. (See politics and religions. Also MSM, blogs and forums).


Child  -> Parent. Another possible transaction by “complimentary” ego-states instead of identical ones. Common in relationships whether one partner “mothers” or “fathers” the other “childish” one. The roles often and quickly reverse.


Adult  -> Adult. All of us shift among our PAC ego-states all day, every day. But Adult  -> Adult transactions are the goal. They occur between chronological grownups and children as well with other adults. Patiently helping a child work through math problems or learn a sports skill. That’s Adult  -> Adult at whatever ages.



Dead-end “crossed”  transactions result when an Adult ego-state tries to interact with a Child or Parent ego-state.


One of three outcomes happens. 1) The Adult shifts to the Child or Parent ego-state to continue the transaction, or 2) The Parent or Child shifts to their Adult ego-state to share an Adult  -> Adult transaction, or 3) The transaction is  terminated by either one.


Nations as well as individuals embody PAC ego-states. The failed “War on Drugs” exemplifies what happens when a country ignores Adult  -> Adult scientific facts and instead permits only Parent  -> Child exchanges and policies. Result? America’s imprisoned more people per capita than any country on earth.


Magical Thinking! Keep repeating the same irrational actions though they’ve failed consistently, in the superstitious Child-like faith that, “This time it will be different.”



Politics and Religion both inherently appeal to Parent-Child ego states and are fundamentally authoritarian. Those ego-states, in turn, rely on transactions between UN-equals, based on fear and threat fueled by factual ignorance.


That’s why most of us can’t talk about same-sex equality issues, and why it’s taken four decades (plus the internet) for a few Adult  -> Adult transactions to forward this issue to where it is . . . shattering ancient religio-political card-houses in slomo, globally.


Unlike most nations, America was founded on religious freedom and tolerance. Anybody can read the Founding Fathers rather than parrot “authoritative” MSM pundits and religious Parents. Few do, preferring to shout –


“No it WASN’T! America was founded as a CHRISTIAN nation!” That statement’s neither Adult ego-state nor factual. It’s pure Pig Parent / Pig Child.


Politics and Religion have bedded and bickered throughout American history. Yet a new urgency has surfaced over the past 20 years because of the internet.


It’s happened slowly at first, this accessible information technology – then exponentially over the past decade. Now, explosively.


People are killing each other because widespread instant information shatters traditional Religio-Political power-paradigms.



Hate crimes against American gays and lesbians shot up 18% over last year.


For every advance in Iowa or Vermont or D.C., there is a setback with another gay-bashing or mass shooting in “too liberal” a church. Religious terrorism.


Ride your search engine back to America’s beginning, to perhaps the STILL the best-written discourse on religion in the past 200+ years:


Thomas Paine’s “The Age of Reason” 



“The Age of Reason” isn’t taught or studied in most schools because its Adult ego-state so threateningly deconstructs the subsequent two centuries of America's Parent-Child devolution.


Literally, “they” say, knowledge of Paine’s “Age of Reason” – like same-sex marriage – will wreck Democracy, destroy morals and invite God’s wrath on  America.


The internet, with readily available philosophical and scientific information like “The Age of Reason” or Dr. Bagemihl’s “Biological Exuberance” is Authorities’ worst nightmare. No more the "homosexuality is unnatural" lie. Same-sex behaviors and life-long partnerships are not only natural throughout the animal kingdom, they are ubiquitous and serve an evolutionary function.

Instant information on demand for ANYBODY to compare, investigate freely on their own, and think for themselves.


Gutenberg’s printing press to the nth degree.


Lies are losing.


Too many people know too much about the lie of WMDs in Iraq, or latex condoms’ permeability to the HIV virus (a lie promoted by the Catholic Church’s current Pope and former “health spokesperson” Cardinal Trujillo, who died last year).


Religious myths are one thing: scientific lies resulting in millions of deaths in Africa because of the Church’s anti-condom distribution policy are quite another. They are genocidal.


Worse? Lies about scientific facts, pronounced in the name of God, simultaneously mock Truth, Creation, and our God-given intelligence to separate lies from facts.


Myths and lies. Political and Religious power and tradition, their slomo collapse and reconstruction under the impact of the internet’s infinite information stream.


Is same-sex equality really the threat to America they say it is? Absolutely. Just not the way “they” say. MUCH more terrifying.


Can we talk?


Yes, it turns out, we can now.


What does the global information stream to your desktop or laptop really say about what’s ahead?


That’s next.


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